It wasn’t until I was sat at the small kitchen table that I took in his appearance. The smartly tailored suit and shirt didn’t scream casual Saturday wear.
I glanced at the clock, mentally working out the travel time. “Shouldn’t you have left by now?”
I didn’t say what for. If I referenced what was happening today, I’d end up vomiting everywhere.
“Had a feeling I’d be needed here,” Frank said, placing a mug in front of me and taking a seat. “Didn’t feel right to leave.”
“But…it’s Ryan. You should be there for him.”
“I might consider Ryan my son, but you’reactuallymy son,” he said levelly. “And right now, you need me a lot more than he does.”
I swallowed my surprise. “That’s… Thank you.”
“Shit, don’t thank me,” he grumbled, shifting in his seat. “This is the bare minimum you should expect from me, Dominic. I’m your dad. I know I wasn’t there for you in the past, but I’ll always be there for you now.”
I went to thank him again before biting back the words. “Okay.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m fucking gutted he’s going through with it.” He shook his head tiredly. “There’s stubborn, and then there’s Ryan.”
I shoved my chair back abruptly. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sit here and discuss this with him. With anyone. But I also couldn’t go back home.
There was a reason I came here though. If I hadn’t, I knew I’d go to that hotel.
To gatecrash a wedding I definitely wouldn’t be welcome at.
The old Dominic would’ve done just that. Especially knowing Ryan was in love with me. But I was trying to be a better person, dammit. For him.
So I was going to park my arse here at Frank’s and try not to think about what was happening thirty minutes down the road.
“Can I go upstairs?” I asked, gripping the back of my chair. “I’m sorry, I just need space.”
“Of course, Son,” Frank said kindly. “You don’t need to ask. This is still your home, even if you don’t think of it like that.”
I jerked my head, unable to say anything more. My feet led me along the familiar path down the hall and up the stairs.
It didn’t occur to me what to expect until I pushed open the door to my teenage bedroom. But whatever I might’ve imagined, it wouldn’t have been this.
Nothing had changed.
The Caffeine Daydreams poster I’d bought at Reading Festival still hung on the wall. My old college books were strewn haphazardly across the desk. A pair of jeans I’d forgotten to pack hung on the back of my desk chair. Even my bed was covered in the same duvet set.
I circled the room slowly, feeling like I’d stepped back in time. My fingers skimmed the edge of the desk and I looked down, expecting to see them covered in dust, but they came away clean.
The lump in my throat grew. Frank had kept this place spotless while still keeping my room in the state I’d left it in. Was it because he’d hoped I’d one day return? Or because he wanted to remember me as I’d been when I’d left?
Whatever the answer, it had me wanting to go downstairs and grab him in a hug. I hadn’t done that since I’d returned.
Longer, even. Since before we lost Mum. Before we lost each other.
That could wait. Right now, I had more pressing matters to attend to.
Namely, breaking down while I tried not to think about the love of my life marrying someone else.
I didn’t cry. There were no tears left. I’d spilled them all over the past couple of days. They’d started to fall when I’d walked away from Ry and hadn’t stopped until a few hours ago. Right around when I’d heard both Ryan and Xander leaving his flat. Their hurried footsteps had passed my front door without faltering.
I knew then that I’d lost. That my Shadow was choosing someone else.
I’d stopped crying then. Numbness had taken over, hardening what was left of my heart.