He even talked about Max. And not a single one of his stories made me think there was anything more there than friendship and camaraderie.
It didn’t heal the old hurt, but it soothed it. The more he spoke, the more I believed what he’d been telling me all along. What even Max had told me.
That the feelings between them were platonic. That they always had been.
“Tell me about uni,” Dom said. We were naked on the sofa, limbs entwined, my head on his shoulder. The roaring fire and blanket I’d found kept the chill from our skin. Our lust was quiet, having been thoroughly sated, but neither of us was ready to be parted. “Why’d you choose business?”
I stared at the crackling flames, wondering how honest to be. “It was the smart choice. The one that guaranteed a secure financial future.”
“And art wasn’t?”
“Of course not.” I caressed his chest lightly, tracing the letters of my name. “You know how we grew up, Dominic. Is it wrong that I wanted better for myself?”
“Not at all.” He smoothed his hand down my spine, easing the tension there. “And if I thought that was the only reason, I wouldn’t push.”
I sighed. “But you are pushing.”
“Yes,” he said simply. “Because I remember how much you loved it. Now, it’s like you’re afraid of it.”
“I’m not.”
“Shadow, you haven’t even stepped inside that room since we’ve been here.”
I winced internally. Wanting to change the subject, I rocked my hips forward pointedly. “It’s not like I’ve had time. You’ve kept me busy.”
“Nice try.” Dom’s big hand held my hip still. “You’re not distracting me with sex.”
I sighed. “Rude. Why do you always make me talk about the hard stuff?”
“Because it’s not healthy to bury it. You taught me that.”
“I did? When?”
“The night I told you about my dad,” Dom said quietly. “I’d carried it alone for so long, until you made me feel safe enough to open up. And you know what happened for me after?”
“What?”
“I felt lighter. Like talking about it had literally lifted a weight off me.”
I blew out a breath. “This is different.”
“It’s not,” Dom insisted. “You’ve buried the person you used to be, thinking you’ll be happier that way.”
“That’s not why I did it.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because it was the only way I could survive,” I said bluntly. “That person, that version of me, he was in love with you. You were his whole world. When you left…I couldn’t be him anymore. I had to become someone new just to get through each day.”
“Fuck.” Dom’s arms tightened around me as he kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Shadow. I’ll never stop being sorry.”
“You’re not the only one who needs to be sorry. I walked away that night. If it hadn’t taken me so long to pull my head out of my arse, maybe things would’ve been different.”
Dom was silent for a moment. “I think there are things that it’s good to leave in the past. We can’t change what happened, so it makes sense to move past it. But you don’t need to cut off what used to make you happy, Ry. I don’t want that.”
“I know.” I got it, I did. If the situation were reversed, I’d hate it if Dom gave up something he truly loved. “But I can’t change everything about who I am now. Like it or not, I have changed. I’m not the boy you fell in love with.”
“I know.” He kissed my head again, like he was reminding himself that I was there. That this conversation was happening. “But the man you’ve become? I love him too. I just want you to be the happiest you can be. Right now, I don’t think you are.”