Another pause. Another moment frozen in time.
“Fuck,” he whispered, searching my face. His head was tilted in a mockery of a kiss. Like he couldn’t bear to move away just yet. Because doing so would mean accepting that this wasn’t happening. “Isn’t this killing you, Ry?”
My throat bobbed. It was, but I couldn’t tell him that. To do so would be a betrayal of all my values. Of the person I’d worked so hard to become.
“I need to shower,” I said quietly, looking away. “Let me rinse off and it’s all yours.”
I glanced at his face and immediately wished I hadn’t. Dom did nothing to hide the hurt in his eyes. Or the rejection.
He’s not yours to reject.
I wished it were that simple. I really did.It ripped a hole in my chest, all the same.
We didn’t say another word to each other that night, but as I lay awake staring at the ceiling, I thought about Dom doing the same. If I walked down the hallway and opened his door, I knew that was what I’d find.
It wasn’t all I’d find though. What Dominic was offering, what he was promising, it wasn’t his to give.
Or rather, it wasn’t mine to take. Not now. Not with everything that had happened in the intervening years.
Instead, I lay awake and wished for a different past. For anything that might allow me to open that door.
To see what a future with Dominic might hold.
19
Ryan
Thanks to the hours spent staring at my ceiling, I woke late. It took me a few minutes to place where I was before the memory came screaming back to me.
Fishing trip.
Cabin.
Dom.
Shower.
Naked.
I groaned, wondering if Dom would let me get away with hiding in here for the rest of the week.
Like he knew what I was thinking, there was a brisk rap on my door. “Rise and shine, Shadow. I made pancakes.”
Grumbling, I got out of bed and opened the door to glare at him. He was shirtless, my name dark against his skin. “Shadows don’t shine, Dom. It’s literally impossible.”
“Good thing you’re cute regardless,” Dom said, tweaking my nose. “Now hurry up before they get cold.”
Five minutes and a toilet break later, I slid onto the stool at the counter. Dom was whistling a cheery tune as he slid pancakes onto a plate.
“You didn’t need to cook me breakfast.”
“Let’s face it, if we’re relying on my fishing skills to feed us, we’ll starve.” Dom pushed a full plate in front of me. “Thankfully Frank packed lots of supplies.”
“He’s good like that.” I drizzled golden syrup over my pancake. “Always thinking ahead and making plans.”
I looked up to see Dom studying me with an odd expression. “What?”
He shook his head with a wry chuckle. “Just strange, that’s all. You know things about my dad that I don’t.”