Lucas guides me through the party, hand carefully resting on the small of my back. The brush of his fingertips against my exposed skin sends a shiver down my spine. I want to turn around, wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face into his chest.
Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so angry all the time.
Once outside, the night air is already doing favors for my overheated skin and reducing the feeling of my throat tightening from how suffocating the air inside was beginning to feel. Desperate to sit down and relieve some of the shakiness in my legs, I’m now the one guiding Lucas to the open back gate.
With most people either inside or in the backyard, I’m able to find a sliver of privacy by the side of the house. Lucas closes the gate, leaving us in near darkness, the only source of light coming from a nearby window.
I drop down onto the grass, kicking my heels off and leaning back on my palms. My feet ache from dancing most of the night but the familiar burning in my hip reminds me that I can’t get away with wearing heels for very long anymore.
Even with my eyes closed and head tilted up toward the starry night sky, I feel Lucas sitting down on the grass next to me, thigh brushing up against mine.
I’m usually not one to care what people think but for some reason the thought of Lucas hating the version of me he just saw back inside has an unfamiliar, yucky feeling seeping deep into my chest and constricting the amount of air I’m able to gather in my lungs.
Maybe that’s why I don’t open my eyes. Why I don’t move a muscle even though the brush of Lucas’s jeans pressing against my leg has me wanting to scoot closer.
“You okay?” His voice is barely above a whisper.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yeah, thanks for uh—for stopping…thatback there. I blacked out there for a second.”
I still keep my eyes closed but I feel him shrug beside me and I really don’t understand why he’s even out here with me. Didn’t the sight of me trying to deck someone with no hesitation at least create some sort of uncertainty about this little fascination he has with me?
I know I’m not the best person to be around sometimes. I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m no saint but I think hearing rumors around campus about my so-called attitude is different from witnessing it.
That’s a version of me that I don’t want Lucas seeing.
I sometimes don’t even like seeing that version. She’s too unpredictable. Too angry. She feels like drowning when I know how to swim but I don’t have the willpower to make it back up to the surface.
“Sorry you had to see me like that.” My voice comes out quiet, afraid of Lucas actually hearing the apology.
He’s silent for a moment and I’m prepared for him to agree. Tell me I shouldn’t let people get to me so easily. That maybe next time it’d probably be easier to walk away.
“Like what?” Lucas finally speaks. “Standing up for yourself?”
Most people don’t see it that way. I’m called difficult more often than not.
When I finally do open my eyes and turn toward Lucas, I’m not even surprised to find him already looking at me. But he doesn’t look disappointed or appalled by what he just saw. Instead, he looks like he has questions I don’t want to answer sobefore he even has the chance to try and ask, I find something else to fill the silence between us.
“You know, you do a lot of watching for someone who doesn’t do anything.”
He arches his eyebrow. “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”
The teasing. The grinning. The constant watching. Those all tell me otherwise.
“I think you know more than you let on.” I shove his shoulder.
Lucas’s hand shoots out to grab my wrist and I think it’s just to stop my attack on him but my eyes widen when he brings my hand up to his lips, gently pressing a kiss along my knuckles. “You’re always so feisty, Stryker.”
My breath hitches and he grins at the reaction. Needing to bring balance back to the situation, I lean in, placing my free hand on his stomach. His Adam’s apple bobs as I slip my hand under the hem of his shirt and rest my open palm against his warm skin.
I feel the way his breath shakes.
“Something tells me that you like that.” I grin.
“Really?” He huffs. “What the hell gave that away?”
I pull my wrist away from his grasp and rest it next to him on the grass to keep myself steady as I scoot closer, bringing my mouth to Lucas’s ear. “I’m gonna ask you something and I want you to be honest with me, okay?”
He quickly nods and I can’t lie and say that holding this much power over him doesn’t do anything to help the growing wetness in my panties.