He fucking lied.
Running through the night, diving in ditches, hiding from every vehicle, every noise… my little black heart, that had somehow learned to beat just for him… it stopped. The old calcification started to form creating the familiar protective barrier that had kept me safe for most of my life.
It had taken me a lot longer than it should for me to get to the clinic, I didn't know anything other than their names and the location of the clinic. So when all my plans went out the window I had a single location to focus on.
I was happy that I had kept up my cardio and fitness levels at the hospital gym when I could. Thankful that I hadn’t let my guard down completely, even though in the beginning with Clutch I desperately wanted to be able to let someone in all the way.
As dawn started to bleed across the sky, I finally made it through the sleeping streets, avoiding sirens and keeping to the shadows. I wascurled up protecting the few possessions I had left in the world, at the door to the Carter and Sinclair Trauma Clinic when I heard footsteps, but my head was so heavy, I was so tired, exhausted physically and emotionally. Somehow instinct told me I shouldn’t be afraid. I could relax now. I would be safe.
A flowing skirt and worn black boots came into view first, the person stopped close enough, but without intruding in my personal space. When she crouched down the first thing I noticed was her wide, kind, hazel eyes. And the fact that she looked so young. This couldn’t be the right place, the right person… She looked to be about my age, if not younger.
But as she smiled, a sad smile, at me and the dawn broke behind her dark hair giving her almost an ethereal glow, I let one tear fall. Something passed over her face as she took me in, standing tall she held her hand out to me, I reached my dirty, cold hand towards her and she didn't hesitate to take it, to wrap her warm hand around mine and help me up.
That was my first impression of Remi Carter and probably the first time in my entire life I was truly safe.
CHAPTER 25
CLUTCH - NOTHING LEFT TO BREAK
You hear people talk about that AHA moment, when blinders get removed or what happens when a single domino falls… or the butterfly effect.
That was Bex.
It had been another week since Kori had been dragged back into the club, since Mara came back like a hurricane and finished off what Bex had started.
The club was broken, tearing itself apart from the inside.
Meg had stormed back into the clubhouse not ten minutes after running out, with Lacey’s laptop and phone, calling everyone fucking idiots and mumbling something about how she thought she was one of the lucky ones, before making her way out back.
Angel and Mara had disappeared into his office to talk. Hours later, after Mara had left to go stay with Dani and Four, he had emerged from his office with a haunted look on his face. And that had pretty much been his state of being ever since.
Axel hadn’t spoken much about what was going on with him, but he had come back yesterday with a murderous intensity I have never seen in him before and after not getting any new information from Razor’s followers in the shed, Axel put them to rest.
Cypher was even more solitary than usual since Meg walked out of the club a week ago and no one had seen her since. Dani mentioned she was staying in the apartment above her bakery.
The pieces had been put in motion to lure Razor out, making sure Mara had been seen out with her brother. Talking to therightpeople about why she was back and making sure she was seen leaving the doctors office.
Torch and a few other brothers were at Mara’s side anytime she left Four’s, and everyone was on high alert.
A weight had settled permanently on my chest, a pain that only seemed to intensify, like a fist in my chest that squeezed and twisted when I thought of everything that happened to get us here.
Anytime I saw someone that came close to resembling her, my heart would pound, my chest would tighten and my breath would stall until inevitably they would turn out to be someone other than my wife.
This had been the longest we had ever been apart and I felt like I wanted to climb out of my own skin. Mara refused to tell me anything else other than Bex was safe and would stay that way if we took care of those who posed a threat to her.
But she wasn’t safe. She wouldn’t be, couldn’t be, until I'd righted all the wrongs I caused, that I'd allowed this club to cause.
I had a spark of hope when Cypher waved me over after a long day of following leads and chasing ghosts with nothing to show for it. When I had approached his table he didn't even bother to look up at me, just took one hand off his keyboard and slid a folder my way.
Ledger, who was helping track down money that Cypher had uncovered in an offshore account, looked up at me, with a look of almost pity. His dark brown eyes dropped to the folder and then back up to lock on mine. “You can’t unsee certain things, brother. I don’t know if you want to know what he found.”
I grabbed the folder and held it against my chest, knowing he was probably right… but I couldn’t get the look in Bex's eyes out of my head. The way she locked down her emotions when Angel was interrogating her. The way she remained standing after she was hit by a man much bigger than her and barely reacted.
Ledger tried again though, “Clutch, maybe there's a reason she didn’t want you to know.”
With those last words it felt like my lungs were collapsing, like I couldn’t get in enough air. I didn’t respond, I couldn’t. I turned and made my way to our room, not stopping when I heard my name, the hallway felt like it was closing in on itself.
I finally made it to our room and had to try to close the door severaltimes for it to stay shut. Stumbling to the bed, the folder in my hands felt like it weighed more than it did.