He studies my face, asking, "When's the last time you slept?"
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Because I honestly don't remember.
Four exhales slowly. "Get some sleep. You can start fresh tomorrow."
“Fuck that, I am not leaving her out there without looking for her.”
Four shakes his head, saying, "I didn't say no one would go look for her. Dani and I will look on our way home, and I will send some of the brothers who don't look like they are about to pass out where they are standing."
He comes to me, a look that makes the guilt and pain bubble upfrom deep within, a look that says I know you fucked up, brother, and I am going to help.
"Give me time to catch up. Then we fix this."
My hands shake slightly, and my voice comes out smaller than I intend, "I have to try. I have to look for her."
I drag a hand down my face and the room spins slightly.
Four claps my shoulder once.
"We'll find her. Tomorrow is a new day." He sighs, and Dani comes to his side, whispering to him. “You can ride with Dani while we look and stay at our place tonight.”
I want to protest and say I can ride my damn bike. But he is right.
I give Dani a nod and move to the door of the clubhouse. I passed Angel without acknowledging him. I have no idea what I would even say to him right now. But it wouldn’t be good.
I hear Four announce that he will be doing his house arrest at his home, and the guilt turns into bile, as it starts to bubble. Because he did what I didn't, Four built Dani a house off the compound and is taking her there now so she feels safe.
Safe.
Is Bex safe right now?
My head spins, and the nausea worsens.
The last thing I hear as I walk out the front door is some of the ol' ladies saying they aren't staying at the clubhouse either, and Dani offering them a spare room.
What the fuck have we done? How did we get here?
CHAPTER 20
CLUTCH - FIND HER
I wake up feeling like I crawled out of a grave. My eyes open to grey light pushing through the curtains, and for a few seconds my brain refuses to catch up with the world around me. My body feels heavy, my mouth is dry and my head is pounding like I drank half the bar last night. Except I didn’t drink, but I did pass out.
Then everything comes back at once.
Bex.
She’s gone.
My stomach twists so hard I have to roll to my side, but then I am left facing the emptiness beside me. The other side of the bed where she should be. My hand drifts across the mattress finding it cold and empty. My chest tightens, and I try to breathe through the sensation.
I miss her already and if I am being honest with myself I’ve missed her for a long time.
Fuck…when did I stop listening to her?
The anger comes next, like it always does when the guilt gets too close. Defensive and ugly.
She didn’t listen to what I needed either.