The words didn’t make sense right away, I was still trying to process what had been said about the club… about… I stared at him.
“The hospital’s records have been handled,” he continued. “Your employment file is closed. Digital traces removed. Licensing board notifications redirected to someone else.”
Trevor looked between us.
“What the hell does that mean?”
Marvin didn’t take his eyes off me.
“It means,” he said quietly, “Ms. Pierce is dead.”
Something inside my chest folded in on itself. Rebecca…. the girl who walked away from the only safety she ever knew years ago believing she could become someone new. The woman who thought she built something real. The nurse. The wife… The life I chose.
Gone. Just like that.
I stood without realizing I had moved and stepped through the ropes. I didn’t stop to take off my gloves. Didn’t answer Trevor when he called my name. I needed space to think.
Rebecca was gone. I was just…. Nothing.
My chest tightened again, a different ache this time.
Because if Rebecca was gone… Then what did that make us?
Was Clutch still alive?
Or was he gone too?
CHAPTER 38
CLUTCH - CHANGE
I thought I would feel peace when I watched the people who brought Bex into this world and then sold her off like she was nothing, taking their last breaths. I thought I would feel redeemed when I watched Torch light the match and burn their home and everything they loved to the ground. But I still just felt hollow, an ache that wouldn’t leave me. I missed her. Missed her more than I ever felt possible.
Dani had sat down with me one night, after we had taken out one of the people who were responsible for collecting the children and bringing them into the ring. She had asked how I would feel if she never knew what we were doing. If we did all this and she still didn’t come back.
We were outside by the fire pit Axel had built to burn the old, as we built the new. He was back to full health, but a darkness hung around him.
I looked into the fire and sighed. Talking about my feelings wasn’t something I was comfortable with, wasn’t something that was allowed growing up. But Dani didn’t push. She sat beside me, letting the question linger between us. Let me gather my thoughts and feelings.
“I…” I huffed and then scrubbed my hand down my face. I was a forty-year-old man that was struggling with my feelings.
Dani nudged me with her knee, “Just say what you are thinking, Clutch, it doesn’t have to be perfect. That is one thing I love about Four; he doesn’t try to make what he says perfect. And sometimes it comes out wrong. But he says what is on his mind and in his heart. I always know what he is thinking.”
I blew out a ragged breath, looking at the cracked chair that was burning to ash in the pit. “If she doesn’t come back to me…fuck…Ican't even say it without feeling like I am going to have a heart attack. She has every reason not to come back,everyreason. I hurt her; let other people hurt her. But I need to do this. I need to make it safe for her, with or without me.”
Dani didn’t say anything, but I saw her nod with a slight smile on her face. The fire danced over her features.
“I messed up, Dani. But I really do love her.”
Dani turned her face to me, studying me for a moment. “I didn’t know if you did before, Clutch. Honestly… after everything went down. But… I see it now.”
She stood giving me a squeeze on my good shoulder, “This life isn’t for everyone and you guys. You all grew up in it. You grew up not knowing how to be in a real relationship, not knowing what healthy ones even looked like. But it’s not an excuse for shitty behaviour. Four worked really hard to get to a place where I was willing to start anything with him. People can change if they want to.”
She went to leave, I knew they had found someone to talk to Cal, and I had hoped maybe it was someone who knew more about where Bex was.
“Dani… have you heard… do you know…”
She stopped and looked down at me, “No, Clutch, I haven’t. And honestly even if I did… I wouldn't tell you if she didn't want you to know.” She cleared her throat and looked out over the group around the fire. “You aren’t the only person who failed her. I was so caught up in my own shit, I let rumours run wild when I could have easily shut them down. And that night… I didn't do shit either.”