And I just can't shake the odd feeling.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
A couple of days later, those feelings are still lingering there in my mind as I walk from the hotel I've been staying in back to the hospital, choosing to leave my car in the underground parking lot and instead get fresh air.
The nurses have been quite strict when it comes to letting me stay at the hospital any longer than the specific visiting hours andnot freely giving me any information about Jacob, like when he can talk again or when he'll be discharged.
I think they only told me that he couldn't talk because of the stab wound so that if he woke up when I was with him, I would be able to tell him right away not to try and talk, which is what ended up happening.
Any other information I've gotten was from me sneaking a look at his chart.
I half wonder if my father had a hand in making them act that way just to make it that much harder for me because he's angry at me. Who knows.
I take the elevator up and walk down the familiar halls of the hospital toward the room I've been coming to for the past few days.
I gently open his door just in case he's still sleeping but find his bed empty.
Standing over by the window with his back to me, is Jacob . . .talking on a cell phone.
“Thanks. Yeah. I'll see you later.” His voice is raspy sounding, almost like it has to pass through gravel before making it out.
He hangs up, stares at the phone in his hand for a second, and then presses his forehead to the glass in front of him.
“Jacob?” He spins around at the sound of my voice with a surprised look on his face, obviously not realizing I was here. “You can talk now?”
He nods and then takes a few steps in my direction. “Yeah, they got me to say some shit last night after you left and then told me I could continue talking after that. I should start sounding normal again in a few days.”
“That's great,” I say, feeling happy for him that at least one thing is going back to normal. My eyes drift down to the phone that he's sliding into his back pocket. “When did you get that phone?” As far as I knew, his phone was still back on his boat.
A look of guilt flashes across his face before he answers, “Uh, Campbell brought it for me yesterday. It's just a pay-as-you-go one to use right now.”
I never saw Campbell give it to him, so I assume he must have done it one of the times that I left them alone, or he came back at some point afterward.
Jacob shifts on his feet like he's a little uncomfortable, making meuncomfortable, and since I've never usually been one to hold off on asking questions, I do just that.
“What's going on, Jacob?” I watch as his shoulders droop and his chest exhales a long quiet breath. It's only now that I catch on that he's fully dressed, with shoes on, and the room looks as if he'll no longer be staying in it. “Were you discharged?”
“Uh, yeah. This morning.” It's now that he looks me directly in the eyes, and I just know he's about to say something that I'm not going to want to hear. “Campbell is going to come and get me.”
“What? Why?” Confusion mixes with hurt in my tone. “Why would he, when I'm right here?”
Deep down, I know what he's planning before he's even spoken it. I need to hear him say the words though.
Jacob moves to stand directly in front of me, now looking as devastated as I feel, and lifts a hand to palm my cheek gently.
Is that moisture in his eyes?
Actually, I changed my mind. I don't think I want to hear what he's going to say after all.
“Don't say it,” I whisper.
“Sweetheart,” he says softly, and that one word has tears pooling in my eyes. “I love you more than anything. But our story is still the same as it was before. You've seen firsthand some of the fucked up things that happen in my life. And I can't ask you to endure that as well.”
I shake my head, trying to stop him from talking, unable to speak myself. But he still continues.
“You have the biggest heart, Remi. You feel so damn passionatelyabout what's right and wrong. And I love that about you. But I don't want your heart to get fucking beaten because of what will happen to me on a regular basis, and even to you if you stick by me.”
His thumb rubs along my cheek, and then his free hand takes hold of one of my limp hands while I stare at a random spot on his chest.