Even my eyelids feel heavy, and it feels like a fight to keep them open. Finally, I lose the fight, and they slowly begin to lower despite my efforts.
I'm sure it's a familiar face I see crouching down next to me right before my eyes shut completely.
But then it's dark, and only the laps of the waves reach my consciousness.
Jacob comes to my mind, and then there's nothing.
CHAPTER 24
Jacob
The two hours that I've been out here on the water have been a total bust.
A broken line and an amateur slip of the hands had me losing the two fish I had managed to catch, leaving me with nothing.
Not that I have any idea of how I'd be getting them to the market anyway. I hadn't gotten that far yet.
The full moon tonight makes it so you can see for miles out into the empty, distant ocean. It gives off an eerie yet beautiful, ethereal glow to my surroundings.
If only it wasn't tainted by the black cloud hanging over me, surrounding me.
Being on Gracehasn't had the same calming effect it usually has.
Frustrated, I kick at an empty bucket sitting by my feet, sending it flying over the edge and into the water. But as I watch it bob up and down on the surface, slowly drifting away, I start feeling guilty about adding more shit to the ocean.
I grab my pole with the hook and scoop it up out of the water, dumping it back onto the boat by my feet again.
Deciding to quit and call it a night, I turn the boat around and head back to shore.
The last few days have been shit. I've been replaying the hurt look on Remi's face, over and over and over again. And I don't just mean in my imagination.
I captured the perfect view of it on my cameras and decided to put myself through more torture by forcing myself to watch it. I needed to remind myself that that is what I am to her now.
The thing is, I hate more than anything that she,of all people, thinks of me like that. The rest of the world can fucking hate me, but I don't want her to.
She's the most kindest, sweetest, beautiful, one-in-a-million type of person who was actually on my side for once.
And now it's ruined.
Pulling up to my dock, I stare at the empty space where my truck is usually parked. I know I still need to call the insurance company to see what I can do, but I've just been wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing.
No charges can be made since you can't see the face or the vehicle of the person that did it. Plus, the cops aren't particularly on my side either.
I moor Graceand walk along the dock toward my place, glancing once in the direction of Remi's home, and I note that one of her lights is on. She's home.
I can't help but wonder what she's doing or whether she's with anyone tonight. And damn, just knowing she's there has the desire to walk over and see her, ramping right up.
Turning away, I walk in my front door and just stand there, staring.
I've been alone for ten years now, but this emptiness in my home at the moment has the feelings of loneliness amplified by a hundred. It's so much worse after having had Remi inside of it. I can't stand it.
Fuck, I need to see her.
The thought of her going through life without knowing what she meant to me, and thinking I just used her for a fuck, is something I can't live with.
I turn back around, walk through my front door, and start walking along the sand to Remi's house.
All the reasons I said I'd stay away can't seem to hold me back right now.