I didn't mean it.
Sliding down the side of my house, I draw my knees up and hang my head.
Even through the crackles of the flames and the constant sound of the waves, I heard her sob. I keephearing it over and over in my head, and each time is like a stab to my chest.
“Fuck!” I lift a shaky hand to wipe the wetness from my eyes.
The heat from the flames is burning the front of my legs, but I can't find it in me to care.
My head feels heavy as I lift it up and drop it back against the wall behind me, staring at the fire eating away at my truck, reducing it to a handful of burnt metal pieces.
I've been through a lotover the years. I've been spat on, pissed on, and even had shit thrown on me. I've been threatened, attacked, abandoned. But nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to the worry that hit me when I thought of what would have happened if they did it to either my house or my boat instead, and Remi happened to be inside of it at the time.
If she got hurt because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Back on the boat, I almost ended up blurting out that I loved her. At the moment before I opened my mouth, it just felt so right to say it. But that's the last thing I should have been doing, and the second I started to say it, reality sunk in and stopped me.
I've been selfish for keeping her around as long as I have.
On top of all of that, there are days when I wonder how much more of all of thisIcan take. Why would I possibly want to subject her to the same thing?
Like I've said from the beginning, she is better off staying away from me. So she won't be in any danger, and she won't have any issues with the people in town.
I was so fucking angry and upset when I saw what they had done to my truck, and I ended up channeling it all onto her. Hating every second of it.
But I knew that if I didn't do it, she would stay, and she would try to help me in any way she could.
She issucha good person.
And I do not deserve her.
Pulling myself together, I get to my feet, spray the side of my house and the surrounding area to make sure the fire doesn't spread, and then head inside my empty home.
The sound of hurt in her voice will haunt me for some time to come. I absolutely deserved to be called an asshole.
CHAPTER 23
Remi
Taking a sip from my wine glass, I try hard not to let another tear drip from my eye.
Some people around the bar have been giving me curious glances ever since I started crying while telling Tahnee what happened a few days ago, and I don't want to continue drawing their attention.
“And you haven't seen him since?”
I shake my head, placing my glass down on the table again. “No, I went to his house yesterday, but he didn't answer. His boat was there, so unless he was out for a walk, he was ignoring me.”
Tahnee's mouth opens and then closes and twists as if she wants to say something but then changes her mind.
“What?” I prompt.
“Well, I just think that heshould be the one chasing you and seeking you out to apologize, especially after what he said. From what you've told me, you're always the one making all of the effort.”
“For starters, that's not true.”
I mean, every single time I went over to his home, he stepped out of his comfort zone to entertain me.
And then there's also the picking wildflowers for me all of the time once he knew that I loved them, cooking dinner for me, and several other things.