Sunny stopped chewing.“You used to be awfully fond of food, too.”
Sighing, she set down her utensil.“Add that to my ledger of mistakes.When I was expecting Andrew, I put on a great deal of extra flesh.It was also at that time that my husband was more openly seeing Lady Dutton.I had known for months that they had renewed their relationship.But so many of Society’s matrons took the time to whisper in my ear that if I wanted to keep my husband from straying, I would need to take better care of myself.They told me during morning calls, afternoon promenades, and evening balls.”
He swallowed his food too early and coughed.Beating his chest with his hand, he said, “Vicious tabbies.”
She shook her head, her eyes downcast.“Food became tasteless for me.Before then, it had been the only joy in my marriage.I suppose I had eaten my sadness, and it was a bottomless pit of hunger.But even when those ladies weren’t in the room, their words still rang in my ears.Food no longer brought me happiness, and I was able to slim down to almost the same size that I was before Andrew was born.”
“I had no idea,” Sunny admitted.“I am afraid during that first year of your marriage, I was at Cambridge with my head so far down a bottle of gin that I couldn’t see straight.I was filled with regret.”
“And spirits.”
His lips twitched.“Precisely.”
“I have made a terrible mistake, Sunny,” Mantheria whispered.
His breath caught, and he hoped that she was about to tell him that she was willing to muddle through marriage again—with him.Once they located Andrew, the three of them could go straight to Gretna Green and consign London Society’s matrons to the devil.
“With Becca.”
Sunny exhaled.That was not at all what he’d been thinking or hoping for.He met her eyes and nodded his head slightly for her to continue.
Mantheria’s cheeks were now also pink.“I was so desperate to save my sisters from the cruel voices of Society, and instead, I became that voice for Becca.I encouraged her to slim down to Society’s impossible standards for a debutante.Despite her obvious attachment to the Earl of Norwich, I begged her not to trust her own instincts....I didn’t want her to feel the despair that has been my closest companion since Elizabeth’s death.Norwich is too much like Glastonbury—they are the sort of handsome that makes your insides feel sticky, and I didn’t want her to make the same mistakes that I did.”
With another overly large swallow, Sunny came to the uncomfortable conclusion that he was notthe sort of handsome that makes your insides feel sticky.It didn’t surprise him.Even without his crooked nose, his appearance was pleasing, but he’d never been considered handsome.He was neither extremely tall nor broad-shouldered.He was disappointingly regular, and if he hadn’t been a duke, no one would have paid attention to him at all.
She must have guessed some of his thoughts, for her neck turned pink.“You’re a comfortable sort of handsome that will wear well over time.”
“And you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”Sunny meant those words, and they were not merely flattery.It was rare that a woman of twenty-nine was more beautiful than she had been at seventeen, but such was the case with Mantheria.Time had softened her sharp angles into soft curves.Her thin, young, coltish figure had become a womanly one, which he infinitely preferred.Sunny did not want a child bride.The seventeen-year-old debutantes were a part of the infantry as far as he was concerned.
“Beauty fades, but sometimes it is all that people see,” Mantheria said, picking her fork and moving the eggs around her plate again.“Becca says that she has forgiven me, but I am not certain that I can ever forgive myself.When I told you the last thing that Elizabeth said to me, I omitted the final words:Be good and take care of our little sisters.Sometimes I am glad that she is not here to see what a mess I have made of things.”
Sunny, too, had lost his appetite.He’d said entirely the wrong thing.Mantheria didn’t care about her appearance.She cared about her son—her sisters—her family.“I think the little girls have turned out extremely well, myself.I did have my worries over Helen, I have to admit.I wasn’t sure that there was a man out there who would understand her unique qualities, but it seems like the Earl of Inverness is perfect for her.They both appear to be very happy and excited about the new addition to their family.I only wish that your little sister would be less forthcoming about the changes to her person.”
Mantheria covered her face with her hands.“Has Helen told you the updated measurements of her stomach and breasts?”
A smile tugged at his lips.“Weekly during the Season.It has certainly been an education in maternity.”
Mantheria snorted and then she laughed, shaking her head and dropping her hands.
“Helen also assured me that it was very important information and had not been previously given enough study by naturalists.She also tried to give me a list of her symptoms, but she complained that I was too squeamish to truly appreciate it.Or to help her study said symptoms.”
Mantheria laughed even harder until it appeared that she could not breathe.She wiped the tears that fell from her lovely blue eyes.Sunny couldn’t help but chuckle, too.Helen was certainly an original.
“And Frederica seems very happy with Lord Pelford.And the duke doesn’t seem to mind that she rules the roost, which is more than I can say for most men, so again, I think Frederica has done very well for herself.”
She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief.“You’re right.Frederica and Samuel are perfect for each other.”
“I have never been friends with Norwich, but he is known to be a man who never breaks his word.Some lords don’t even ask for his written vow, for they know that he is good for it.So perhaps Becca will be very happy with him.People can change, and I do think that he sincerely loves her.”
At least he prayed most desperately that people could improve because he wanted to change.To be better.Sunny needed to be the sort of man who Mantheria could both love and respect.A husband who was faithful and dependable.A good father to his stepson.
“I pray so.”
Sunny took a sip of milk and set down his glass rather louder than he’d meant to.“And you haven’t even mentioned Wick or Matthew.You assisted both of them in finding their perfect mate.So, I think you’ve done a bang-up job of watching over your family.”
She didn’t say anything for several moments, and Sunny was about to stand up and see if Mr.Edwards had any new information when, at last, Mantheria spoke.“I was able to forgive him in the end—Glastonbury—Alexander.I just told myself a different story.Rather than being the betrayed wife, I was the enabler of a great romance between him and Lady Dutton.And I wasn’t a complete failure as a wife either, for I provided Alexander with a male heir to inherit his dukedom and continue his family line.So, ‘It was the best of all possible worlds.’”
It took Sunny a beat or two before he remembered where he’d read that particular line: Voltaire’sCandide.A satire about the foolishness of optimists and optimism.It was a book that he had read at Oxford and not particularly enjoyed.Despite everything that he’d done wrong and the choices that he regretted, Sunny did hope and believe in a better future.One that included Mantheria.