Louisa touched one of her hot cheeks. ‘Perhaps a little fresh air?’
Wick offered her his arm and they wove through the room. She watched him nod at several acquaintances, almost challenging them to give him the social cut. But none did. Maybe because some day he would be a duke.
He led her out to a small garden lit by hanging lanterns. Louisa had thought that there couldn’t be anything more romantic and lovely than a ballroom, but she’d been wrong. This little garden smelled of roses and mint. The warm lights of the lanterns transformed it into a fairyland, like in one of the stories her governess had told her before she’d been dismissed.
Louisa’s knees were shaking and so were her hands. Her heartbeat felt loud in her ears. If it hadn’t been for his firm hold on her elbow she would probably have fallen to the ground.
Wick released her. Louisa felt unbalanced and fell forward against his hard chest. Her arms naturally wrapped around his neck. She heard the thunderous sound of his heartbeat.
Wick’s hands clutched her waist, pressing her even closer to his body. Louisa felt his sweet breath on her lips. Tilting her head back, she offered her mouth in open invitation. Wick did not keep her waiting long. His soft lips first brushed that freckle above her mouth, and then her lips. Over. And over. And over again. Then he increased the pressure of his mouth against hers and Louisa tightened her arms around him. She didn’t want this kiss to end. Orkisses, as he continued to explore the shape of her mouth.
Then she felt something wet and soft against her mouth. His tongue. He was licking her lips! Louisa opened her mouth in surprise and felt his tongue slip between her lips. She felt hot all over and a growing need deep in her belly. Wick deepened the kiss, and Louisa was sure that there could be no greater pleasure in the world than kissing. She gasped, and he pressed his tongue farther inside her mouth. It felt wanton and wickedly wonderful. She opened her lips wider and felt his tongue teasingly touching all over her mouth, sending sparks of pleasure through her entire body.
Taking a breath, Wick kissed her again and nuzzled her neck. Louisa clung to him, knowing she would fall without his touch. He raised his eyes to look at her, but Louisa didn’t wish to talk. She pressed her lips to his mouth and then licked his lips to make him open them. Capturing his bottom lip with her teeth, she tugged on it gently. Then she released it and opened her mouth for another decadent kiss. She felt Wick’s tongue enter again and she could not resist sucking on it.
She felt his body stiffen against hers.
He released her and stepped back.
Louisa touched her hot neck, unsteady on her feet. ‘Did I do something wrong?’
Wick shook his head and brought his hands to his face. ‘No. You could never do anything wrong. The fault is all mine. I should not have brought you out here. I should not have kissed you. You deserve so much better. Someone who is worthy of you.’
She reached out her hand to touch him, but he flinched and she dropped it to her side. ‘You are the worthiest man I have ever met...’
‘I’m a wreck, Louisa... A wreck held together by responsibilities and mostly good intentions,’ he said, turning his back to her. ‘I am not the man for you. For anyone.’
Every word was like a needle-prick on her sore soul. Unbidden, her eyes filled with tears and her throat felt full of emotion. She swallowed it down.
‘We are all wrecks, Wick. Ships beaten about by the storms of our past. Every single one of us. My parents died. My aunt and uncle stole my fortune and my self-esteem. I was a complete and total wreck. Then you picked me up off the road and took me home to your sisters. And I learned that even wrecks can be worthy of love. That a person can be imperfect and still cherished. I learned that from you. From the way you treated your wild, flawed and entirely loveable little sisters. To be loved by you would be the greatest gift in all the world.’
Wick took another step back from her. ‘I just can’t...’
Sniffing, she wiped the tears from her cheeks. ‘Fine. Stay in your personal purgatory and may your regrets keep you company—for I will no longer.’
Her legs shook as she walked away from him, back inside the house. Wick did not follow her.
Louisa swallowed her sadness and slipped into the crowd heading to the supper room, her heart shattered.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Wick waited a few minutes after Louisa went inside. His mind was still a little fuzzy, but kissing Louisa had sobered him. He knew that it would be a bad idea to walk back into the room at the same time as her. People would think that he had done exactly what he had—kissed her. Some members of thetonwould even think that he’d compromised her.
Fustian!
He raked his hands through his hair. What a mess he’d made of his life—and of hers. He oughtn’t have come to London and attended these balls. He wasn’t interested in marriage. Not yet. Maybe not ever. His brother Matthew could inherit the dukedom for all he cared. He’d never wanted the responsibility of being the head of the family. The oldest. The one in charge when something went terribly wrong.
Charles and Elizabeth’s deaths would always haunt him. He’d spend the rest of his life wondering whether, if he’d done something different, they would have lived. Elizabeth should have been at this ball with Mantheria. She should have danced every single dance. Maybe she would even have been married, with a child of her own. Charles should have been in Africa with their parents, learning more about the animals that they all loved. He would have been old enough now to sail all over the world, looking for new specimens. He should have been making a name for himself as a naturalist.
Oh, how Wick wished things had turned out differently. Wished that he could have been the sort of free man who could give his heart to Louisa and take responsibility for a wife and a family of his own.
Shaking his head, Wick knew in his heart that he was not good enough for her. Louisa deserved to be loved by someone whole. Someone who could give her the family and home she’d lost when her parents had died.
The sound of footsteps on the gravel behind him caused him to turn. Even in the dim fairy lights of the garden he easily recognised the features of his best friend.
‘Getting some air?’ Sunny asked.
Wick gave him a jerky nod.