“One, I haven’t been with as many people as you might think. Two, I don’t care how much experience you have or don’t have. This is about us and what we want, not about our past. I’ll never judge you for not knowing something or not having a certain experience. Do you think it bothers me that you’re not a football player?”
“No. That doesn’t make any sense. We havedifferent jobs.”
“Exactly. How many people we’ve slept with is no different. Do you care how many guys I’ve screwed?”
“No.”
“Good. I don’t care how many you’ve been with, either.”
I hang my head again. Why am I so messed up? Why can’t I enjoy the moment instead of getting in my own head and sabotaging something great?
“How about we eat some dinner and take the sex part of our relationship a little slower?”
“Relationship?” Is he implying that there is something more between us?
“I hope so. If you’ll have me, I’d like us to be exclusive,” he admits with a shy smile that surprises me coming from Isaac.
“Yes. I’d like that.”
“Good. Then there is no reason to rush the sex part. It will happen when we’re both ready. Let’s go get some food.”
Isaac stands, but I grab his hand before he can walk away. He turns to face me, “Thank you, Isaac.”
I worry that the rest of the night will be uncomfortable, but Isaac seems perfectly happy doing our laundry and making dinner with me. It’s all very domestic. We cook a couple of frozen pepperoni pizzas, adding spices, mushrooms, and peppers to them. It makes me smile when Isaac agrees with the toppings. I love almost anything on a pizza even anchovies and once in a while pineapple. Isaac gagged when I suggested anchovies and said pineapple should never go on a pizza. I strongly disagreed, but at least we settled on a few toppings we both enjoy.
The sex topic doesn’t come up again and the entire evening is fun and relaxing. By the time we eat and clean up the kitchen, it’s after eight. I’m not nearly as tired as I was when we first got home.
“Are you up for a movie?” I ask as I put thelast dish away.
“Sure. Do you have something in mind?”
“Well, I was thinking we could take a quick shower then snuggle up in my bed and watch a comedy. That way, if we fall asleep, we’ll be comfortable.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to push you.”
“I’m confident we can take a shower without having sex. And I’d like to have my boyfriend in my bed with me.”
“I’d like that very much.” Isaac smirks, taking my hand and practically pulling me down the hallway.
FOURTEEN
ISAAC
Preseason is over and our first game is starting in a little over an hour. The locker room is buzzing with excitement, reporters and photographers have been in and out all morning, interviewing players and taking photos.
I’m suited up and ready to head to the field for warmups. Nerves ate away at me last night and all morning. That always happens before the first regular season game and again if we make the playoffs. It’s been part of my routine since I was a kid, so I guess it’s my body’s way of preparing me for the game in some weird fashion.
Once I got to the stadium and into my uniform, I felt the anxiety start to melt away. Running out onto the field changes everything. As soon as my cleats hit the turf, I feel relaxed and confident. I glance up toward the employee box, knowing I can’t see anything from here and knowing Evan is working and won’t be watching me play today.
I can’t get enough of that man. He’s becoming an important part of my daily life and I can’t imagine not being withhim. I also can’t understand how he embedded himself into my life so easily. It feels like we’ve known each other for years even though it’s only been two weeks since our first date. We see each other almost every night and I’m already dreading the away game next week. It’s going to be hard to be away from him for two nights. If we have a day game, we fly back after, but since next week is a night game, we’ll leave Miami Saturday evening and return Monday morning. Then I have to wait until Evan gets off work to see him.
As I find my spot near the ten-yard line and begin to stretch, I shake away thoughts of Evan. It’s time to focus on today’s game instead of worrying about what will happen next week.
The Jaguars start warming up on the other end of the field as I finish my stretches and run from one end of the end zone to the other several times. This should be an easy win, but I’m trying not to let my confidence go to my head. Getting cocky before the game even starts is a recipe for disaster. I’ve seen great teams lose to the worst team in the league. Confidence is good, but cockiness can be detrimental.
When our warmup time is over, Tyson jogs beside me back to the locker room for a final word of encouragement from our head coach. He doesn’t say anything to me, simply jogs beside me. Tyson is in his own head by now, going over plays and giving himself a private pep talk. This is his routine for every game. He’ll joke around and have fun at practice, but on game day, he is quiet and stoic. He rarely speaks to anyone in the hour before the game starts. We respect his need for calm and quiet before the games and give him the space he needs.
On the contrary, I’m usually joking around with some of the other guys on the team, cutting up, giving interviews, and encouraging anyone who’s struggling. Today isdifferent. I’m wrapped up in thoughts of Evan and can’t seem to focus on the conversations around me or the speech coach is finishing. I have no idea what he said in the last five minutes. Hope it wasn’t anything important.