Lexie: ??
16
AVA
It’s beentwo glorious weeks of scorching hot sex and orgasms aplenty, and thanks to Knox, I’ve finally figured out the best route to work to avoid the worst of the traffic. I roll up to the Iceplex with that Friday feeling, a latte in hand and my spirits high. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the crisp scent of fall hangs in the air.
It’s going to be a good day. I can feel it.
I breeze through the back offices, greeting one of the assistant coaches and an athletic trainer who shares the office next to mine. I’ve been here for three weeks, and so far, everyone has been warm and welcoming, except Dr. Banks.
Thankfully, I haven’t seen him in days. He has a habit of showing up when and where I least expect him, and he never gives me advance notice when he’ll be onsite. I haven’t decided if it’s because he’s trying to keep me on my toes or if professional courtesy is simply beneath him.
I let myself into my tiny office and drop my stuff on the desk, careful not to spill my coffee.
My phone buzzes and I dig it out of my tote.
Knox: I hope you had a good time last night because I sure did.
I came so hard it’s a wonder I didn’t wake the neighbors, but that doesn’t mean I can’t tease him a bit.
Me: It was a solid 7/10.
Knox: Darlin’, if that’s a challenge, I’m up for it.
Of that I have no doubt. Knox continues to be patient even when I need extra time or a change in position. He remains just as enthusiastic and dedicated as he was the first time we had sex.
It’s liberating. He’s given me the confidence to try things I never imagined myself doing, and for that I’m grateful. I just don’t know how I’m going to give him up when the time comes. There’s no expiration date on our arrangement, but it can’t go on forever.
Eventually, we’re either going to get caught, or we’ll have to come clean and my life will implode. In both scenarios, I lose.
It will be goodbye dad and goodbye job. Or worse, both.
No, worse would be Knox losing interest and finding someone new.
He’s too perfect to be single for long.
My gut twists at the thought of Knox with another woman. It’s downright selfish, but there it is. Even though I can’t be with him in the way that he wants—the way that he needs—I don’t want him to be with anyone else either.
Great. Now I’m jealous of a hypothetical girlfriend.
Don’t hang your wash on someone else’s line.
Nana’s sharp refrain has me ducking my head in shame, though there’s no one to see it.
If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s Knox. He’s warm and compassionate, and he wears his heart on his sleeve, despite the fact that he’s experienced heartbreaking loss. When a person faces tragedy, they’re often afraid to let others get close. They’d rather be alone than risk losing someone else they love, but Knox isn’t like that.
Heck, he’s the opposite.
He cares deeply. He doesn’t hold back, and when he does fall in love, well, she’ll be the luckiest woman in the world.
I didn’t understand it at first—the intensity of his emotions—but after that night in his bed, when he told me about his parents, everything started to click. The way he feels so much responsibility for the team’s success. His tight bond with Adam. The way he goes full-tilt when he wants something.
It’s his trauma response.
Granted, it’s healthier than most, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be harmful. No one person is meant to carry the weight of an entire franchise on their back, and it doesn’t diminish the fact that the loss of his parents changed him, shaped him in ways that continue to influence his choices today.
Choices he has every right to make, like entering into a purely physical, no-strings situationship with a woman who can’t give him what he really wants: a relationship.