Or at all.
What I want is for his lips to be everywhere on my body and to be naked in my bed with him, living the illusion for just a little while longer. Even if it’s a lie, me trying to convince myself that I can move forward from this, which I have a feeling it is if I really thought about it. Which I’m trying not to do.
“No,” I whisper. “Let’s go to your room.”
He doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he walks away from me, down the hall, and heads toward the living quarters. I let out a heavy exhale, watching him sway before he stops, then I watch as Lightning almost appears out of thin air in front of him.
Closing my eyes, my head falls back as it bounces against the wall. I can’t follow behind him right now, so I stay where I am, frozen against the wall. What the hell am I doing? This is getting way too out of hand. I knew I loved him, but now I’m wondering what I’ve done to myself and why I’ve done it.
I’m doing this with him and falling too deep.
Way too deep.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to figure myself out at this point or cope with this situation the way I thought I could. The only thing I hope is that once I walk down the aisle, I’ll be able to forget him, forget this—forget us.
“Girl, you are so fucked,” a voice coos.
I crack one eye open, then turn my head before I look at her. It’s Daisy. I should probably be pissed that she’s even standing there looking at me, but I can’t be mad. Not really. He’s not mine to have. Even if he’s all I’ve ever wanted. I made the choice, and I agreed to marry Paul.
“Yeah?” I ask.
She hums. “He’s fucked, too.”
I almost ask her if he’s fucked because she’s the one fucking him, but I decide against it. I should not be petty right now. I’m the one with the issue, not her. I’m the one who is in the wrong here. I’m engaged to someone else, and I’m playing house with Gunnar and falling deeper in love with him like an actual idiot.
“He loves you, babe. See it in his eyes. No other woman on earth would ever do it for him again.”
I think about opening up to her, but that’s not who and what we are. She’s a clubwhore. She’s slept with all of them, and she was just hanging all over Gunnar. I am not feeling like having a little girlie moment with her.
“It doesn’t matter,” I murmur. “I’m getting married.”
As much as I want to add that Gunnar wouldn’t want to keep me anyway, even if I weren’t getting married, I don’t. That’s too much, too personal. Her eyes search mine for a long moment in silence, then she crosses her arms beneath her inflated tits.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” she says with a smirk. She takes a step forward, then another until she’s standing right in front of me. “But just to add,” she continues, “you love him, too. And nothing happened between us.”
VIKING
“You’re gonna fuck this shit up,” Lightning grinds out.
Tilting my head back, I look up at him. I’m not as trashed as I was earlier, having been that close to Lainey sobered me up a bit, but I’m definitely feeling good. I open my mouth to ask him what the fuck he’s talking about, but he doesn’t let me. Instead, he continues.
“You’re gonna fuck this up for the club, but none of us gives a shit about that.”
“No?” I ask with a chuckle. “I’m pretty sure there are contracts and shit in place, and it would definitely fuck up the club, and everyone would give a fuck if we were somehow at war with the Front Mob Family.”
“That’s fair,” Lightning murmurs. “Everyone would care about a war. But none of that shit would matter, because you and Lainey should be together.”
I start to ask why, but I don’t want to get into a deep conversation with him right now. This is totally killing my buzz and is a complete goddamn downer. All I wanted was to eat Lainey out and fuck that sweet cunt until we both exhausted ourselves.
Now I’m standing here in the hallway, engrossed in an emotional conversation that is too fucking deep and intense for my mood. I decide I’m going to shut this shit down right now. Enough ise-fucking-nough. Taking a step to the side, I decide that I’m going to walk past him and head to my room, but before I go, I look over my shoulder at my friend.
“It doesn’t matter if we should be together or not. It’s out of our hands now. I’m not going to betray the club, and Lainey wouldn’t even if she could.”
Without giving him the option to respond, I continue down the hallway until I find my door, open it, and slip inside to wait for my woman. And she is that, at least right now. The room is empty, and I look around at everything.
My room isn’t as clean as it should be, probably not as comforting or inviting either. Lainey’s place is tidy. It’s definitely a house for a woman. Lots of florals and shit like that. I always thought guys who lived in places like that had balls that must be shriveled to the size of raisins, but I get it now.
I can’t even describe it, but there is something… comforting about it. It’s not like a memory is triggered or anything. My mother, when she was around, was not about warmth and fuzzies. She wasn’t soft and definitely didn’t decorate anything. Not unless you call lining a coffee table with cocaine decorating. She did a lot of that shit.