“It’s just your heart, is all,” Dakota murmurs.
Thankfully, I don’t have to respond to that because the food arrives. Her comment is flippant, and I know it comes from a good place, but she has no idea what or how I’m feeling.
VIKING
Wrapping my arm around Daisy, I pull her against my side. My lips curve up as Scar tells me a story. He’s talking about something that Heidi did at the house. They’re together now. He’s claimed her. That’s his woman, has been since the moment he showed up here.
I feel the same way about Lainey, even though I can’t express it, even though I can’t act on it in any other way than how I am now. So fucking her behind her brother’s back, then sending her off to her new husband, is what I can do. Which makes me a major asshole, I know. But I never claimed to be anything else.
Daisy’s lips touch the side of my neck, and I let out a grunt, pulling her a little closer. I should push her away. I know I should, but not only am I trashed, but I’m also sabotaging. I know I am, but if I don’t, I’ll want to keep Lainey.
I already want to keep Lainey.
But I have to make her hate me before this ends. And the only way I will even know how to make her hate me is by involving a clubwhore. If she hates me, I can allow her to move on. I’ll probably never move on from her, though.
Lainey-Rose is the one, and I know it.
She can’t be the one for me, though, and I also know that.
Daisy’s mouth slides down my throat, and at the same time, her hand slips beneath my shirt and gently glides up my stomach, then my chest. Scar clears his throat, then lifts his hand in a wave. He and Heidi turn around and walk over to the bar. I watch as they sidle up to the bar and shift my attention to Daisy the moment I feel her fingers at my belt buckle.
“What’re you doing?” I ask, my voice sounding thick and slurred even to my own ears.
“You’re here, I’m here, why don’t we have some fun?” she asks in a whisper, her lips at my ear.
I should push her away. I don’t want her. I don’t want to do anything, at least not with her. I want Lainey. It’s in this moment that the realization hits me that I can’t do this. Maybe I’ll be able to bury myself in club pussy after she’s gone, but right now, I can’t.
As much as I want to, I cannot.
“Not today,” I rasp.
And as soon as I say that, the door to the club opens, and I watch as Dakota, Posey, Millie, and Lainey walk into the room.
Fuck.
Daisy, being the decent clubwhore she is, immediately pulls her hand away from my belt and slips away. I don’t even look to see where she goes. It doesn’t matter. My eyes connect and focus on Lainey’s.
I can’t look away from her, even though the expression on her face is clear. She’s upset. Not angry. Hurt. That fucking killsme, but I don’t think I can stand up and walk over to her. I’m drunk but not drunk enough that I can’t walk.
It’s something else.
Call it pride. Call it fucking stupid-ass bullshit control issues. Call it embarrassment for being a piece of shit. I don’t know. But I stay seated and watch her. The other women peel away from her and make their way to their old men.
Lainey doesn’t shy away from me the way I thought she might. She continues walking toward me, stopping when she’s just a few feet away from me. I watch as she crosses her arms over her chest, tipping her chin slightly as she arches a brow and stares at me for a moment in silence.
I don’t speak, and neither does she, at least not immediately. We stare at one another, neither of us breaking the silence. Then she lets out a snort and rolls her eyes to the ceiling before she shifts them down to meet mine.
“So you came here to get drunk and laid?” she asks.
“Drunk, yes. Laid, not so much.”
She presses her lips together, her eyes flicking somewhere in the room, probably to Daisy, but I don’t follow her attention before she brings them back to me. I don’t say anything, though. I wait for her to continue, and thankfully, she does.
“Daisy wasn’t plastered to your side for no reason,” she hisses.
The hurt is still very much bright in her eyes. They water as she continues. I wish I could take it away and tell her that it’s not because Iwantto hurt her. That it’s really for a million other reasons, but mostly as a way to shield both of us and make the idea of love between us an illusion.
Instead of trying to explain myself here in an open forum, I stand, swaying slightly before I jerk my chin toward the hallway. Piggy isn’t here, so I don’t have to worry about himsaying anything, and while I can feel eyes focused on us, this conversation cannot happen in public.