‘You didn’t get any more details of this doctor business?’ says Des. ‘Or what exactly he plans to do next?’
‘Afraid not,’ I say.
Des looks at me with sympathy. ‘Look, you know and I know we can’t do anything without proof. But I’ll say this. If the pair of you think of a way to call a halt to his gallop and we can help you with it, just say the word.’
‘Thanks, Des,’ I say, with more confidence than I actually feel. ‘We’ll think of something.’
‘Listen, I’ve got to grab lunch now,’ says Des, ‘but I’ve thought of someone you should talk to if you want more insight into Bernard. Hand me your phone there, I’ll give you her number. I think she’d definitely like to talk to you.’
‘Who?’ I say.
‘Honoria Quigley.’ Des laughs when he sees the awestruck expression on my face. ‘Yeah, that’s right. Ma Cusack herself.’
‘Well,’ I say, when Art and I are eating lunch in a corner of the canteen, ‘at least we have allies now.’
‘Allies and no plan,’ says Art.
‘Maybe if we talk to Honoria Quigley we’ll think of something,’ I say. ‘She might know Bernard’s Achilles heel.’
‘I suppose we could arrange to meet her,’ he says.
‘Are you okay?’ I say. ‘You don’t sound very enthusiastic.’
Art sighs. ‘What’s the point, McDermott?’ he says. ‘Seriously, what’s the point? Des just admitted Bernard’s out of control. We’re putting ourselves through hell to try and write something decent even though our boss literally wants our scripts to be shit.So fine, let’s give him what he wants. It’s not like the viewers will fucking notice.’
No.No. Art didnotjust slag off theNorthsideaudience.
‘Art,’ I say. ‘You’ve made it clear how you feel about this job, butNorthsidemeans something to the people who watch it.’
He looks slightly unnerved as he takes in the ferocity of my expression. ‘Yeah, every programme means something to the people who watch it. That’s called being a fan. I get it.’
‘No,’ I say, ‘I don’t think you do. A series like this, that’s been on for fifty years … it’s different to other programmes. These characters are in the viewers’ sitting rooms fordecades. There are people out there who think of the McCauls and the Cusacks as their family.’ I know I’m sounding emotional but I don’t care. ‘You know how many people are going to read some academic study on, I don’t know, coercive control? Neither do I! But I do know that a storyline about it in a soap will get people talking, even now. It’ll be on radio phone-ins, it’ll genuinely raise public awareness. It’ll make people feel less alone.’ I think of seeing Mozzer McCaul trouncing Amanda’s bullies, the exhilaration I felt, the validation at this reminder that kids weren’t actually meant to treat other kids like that and good people could do something about it.
‘Say what you want about the show itself, I know you despise it even though you’ve watched five minutes of Ma Cusack,’ I say. ‘But if I hear you say one more word like that about our viewers, you can find a new officemate.’
I expect a facetious joke or an eye roll. But instead Art nods and says, ‘Sorry. You’re totally right.’
Did he say what I thought he just said?
‘What?’
‘You’re right,’ says Art. ‘I shouldn’t have said that about the audience not noticing. I’m tired and I’m pissed off and I said it out of habit.’
‘Okay,’ I say.
I must sound unconvinced because Art sighs. ‘Look, I’m not saying this show is perfect. But I didn’t just watch five minutes of Ma Cusack. I’ve watched a fair bit, actually. Not just of her. There are whole episodes from that era online. I watched lots of them over the past week.’
‘Really?’ I say.
Art nods. ‘Yeah. It was what you said last week aboutNorthsidehaving once been great. And me never thinking it could possibly be great. Which was true.’
‘Oh,’ I say.
‘So I watched loads of it,’ Art goes on. ‘And … yeah. There was some good writing there. Really good writing.’
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘There always was.’
Neither of us says anything for a moment.