‘I did suspect Bernard was talking bollocks,’ says Nora. ‘But you can see why feelings have been running a little high.’
‘Cian Murphy’s wife didn’t make the cut,’ says Simon. ‘So he’s particularly upset.’
Well, that explains Cian blanking me this morning.
‘And Bernard’s been bitching about you newcomers in group emails for weeks now,’ says Nora. ‘Obviously, everyone knows he’s awful but, you know, their friends have lost a regular job andsome of them want someone to blame. And for once they can’t blame Bernard, and he knows it.’
My heart sinks at all these revelations.
‘Morale has been in the toilet around here,’ says Simon. ‘Most of us know it’s not your fault. But you can see why you’ve become the scapegoats.’
‘Well,’ says Art, ‘thanks for the heads-up.’
‘The others will come round, you know,’ says Simon. ‘They’re a nice gang, really. We could have a word with them if you like.’
‘I think it might be best to let it all blow over,’ says Art. He looks at me. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think …’ What do I think? That I want to go back toOur Toon. That I don’t want to draw any more attention to myself here atNorthside. That I’m seriously considering going home this evening and cursing Bernard.
‘I think you’re right.’ I finally take a bite of my sandwich, which has been sitting untouched on my plate throughout all this. It’s really good. I can never eat another vending machine monstrosity again.
‘And now,’ says Nora, ‘let’s talk about something that isn’t Bernard.’
‘Yes, please,’ says Simon.
‘So,’ I say, ‘how long have you both written forNorthside?’
Art seems genuinely interested when Simon and Nora tell him about their writing backgrounds. But he’s quite vague when they ask him about his recent experiences in America. When Simon asks about the last show he worked on in LA, he says, ‘Terrible hours. This is much more civilised,’ and changes the subject.
I’ve almost finished my lunch when I spot a familiar face on the other side of the canteen and without thinking I gasp. ‘Oh my God. There’s Mozzer!’
Nora laughs. ‘The cast always sit in that section during shoot days. The rest of IBC call it Charlemont Avenue.’
I try not to gawp, but I can’t help peeking over at the table again. ‘Who’s that next to her? Is it … Ritchie?’
Simon and Nora exchange a look. ‘Yep, that’s Adam Pender,’ says Nora.
‘I take it you’re not big fans?’ says Art.
‘Ah, Adam’s grand, really,’ says Simon. ‘He’s why Ritchie’s such a popular character. And he’s a lovely guy …’
‘You’re being too nice, Adebayo,’ says Nora. ‘As usual. Adam’s a loose cannon.’
‘Nothingtooterrible,’ says Simon. ‘He just doesn’t think things through.’
‘I’ll say he doesn’t,’ says Nora. ‘He can be a right little bollocks. Remember he got that huge tattoo on his arm when they were shooting his affair with Sarah and he had to wear long-sleeved shirts in bed with her for continuity?’
‘God, yeah,’ says Simon. ‘Didn’t cross his mind it could affect the shoot. That was a real pain.’
‘Plus he thinks he’s a real daredevil.’ Nora rolls her eyes. ‘TikTok has a lot to answer for.’
‘How so?’ I’m enjoying getting all this gossip.
‘He’s obsessed with stunts,’ says Nora, ‘even though he’s been told a million times that he can’t do his own in the show. The man has absolutely no balance. Or spatial awareness.’
‘Oh my God, remember when we did the story about the gym being robbed?’ says Simon.
‘How could I forget?’ Nora sighs dramatically. ‘Adam wanted to prove he could do the stunt, just to make a point.’