‘I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other since school!’ Lizzie shakes her head, as if we were two old pals who’d somehow drifted apart.
‘I can,’ I say.
But Lizzie ignores me. ‘Oh my God, Art, you should have seen Annie back then!’ She smiles at me like she never called me a creepy weirdo. Like she wasn’t the cause of the worst time of my life. Like I’d never had to talk about her to my therapist. ‘She was the cutest little goth.’
For a moment Art doesn’t say anything. He glances at me again and then turns back to Lizzie.
I would not like him to look at me the way he’s looking at her right now.
Then he says, ‘Annie wasn’t a goth.’
‘Sorry?’ says Lizzie.
‘Annie was never a goth,’ says Art. ‘She waswitchy.’
He catches my eye and the corner of his mouth twitches up, just for a second, in a smile. ‘Isn’t that right, McDermott?’
A smile spreads across my own face. A big, broad, unstoppable smile.
‘That’s right,’ I say. ‘I was.’
‘What?’ Lizzie looks totally confused.
‘They’re twoverydifferent things,’ says Art. ‘Anyway, Liz, it’s been great to take this trip down memory lane, but we were just leaving.’
‘Oh right.’ Lizzie turns to me with another big smile. She actually looks sincere. It’s kind of amazing really. ‘Annie, we must arrange a night out. I’ll get Donnacha to look after the kids. Canyou believe it’s almost twenty years since we left school? It’d be great to catch up.’
I look at her, this basic bitch who once made my life a raging misery, and I let out a laugh.
‘Oh my God, Lizzie,’ I say. ‘Of course it wouldn’t.’
Her smile wavers. ‘What?’
‘We weren’t friends,’ I say. ‘We were the opposite of friends. Why would I ever want to hang out withyou?’
The expression on Lizzie’s face now is all too familiar. ‘Jesus,’ she says, ‘I was just trying to be friendly. You should try it yourself sometime.’
Ah,thereshe is.
I always regretted standing up to Lizzie in that bathroom. I always thought it triggered her and her friends to really turn on me and Roo. I blamed myself for it. I blamed myself for a lot of things. But now I realise those few moments were the only time I ever acted like my real self with Lizzie and her mates. I spent the rest of my school days squashing myself down, trying not to attract their attention. Making myself as small as they made me feel. Being a spiky, curled-up little hedgehog.
But I’m my real self now.
And yes, I still worry what people think of me. I’ve been afraid, over the last three weeks, of being weird with Simon and Nora and even my old friends. But that, I realise, is because I like them. That’s why I want them to like me. I do not give a shit if arseholes like Lizzie Lattin like me. I genuinely don’t care what Lizzie Lattin thinks of me at all.
She’s not in my head anymore.
So I look at her and say, ‘I was stuck with you in school but I’m not stuck with you now.’ I turn to Art. ‘Let’s go.’
‘I thought you’d never ask,’ says Art. He takes my hand.
And without another word, we turn away from Lizzie Lattin and stroll off down the path.
I wish I could say I laugh triumphantly as I walk away but I actually feel a bit weird and wobbly. We walk for a minute in silence. I let go of Art’s hand.
‘What did she do?’ There’s a gentleness in Art’s voice I’ve never heard before. ‘When you were in school? If you don’t mind me asking.’
‘Ignored me and Roo, mostly,’ I say. ‘Everyone ignored us. Which wasn’t great but, you know.’