The plan had just been to rest, but she’d woken several hours later.
She’d munched on her dinner, which had consisted of some cheese and crackers, while texting Ember. Her best friend had been on her way to the hospital and had been more than happy to chat while she got ready for her shift.
River’s night had been slow and quiet, and after watching a reality show on her phone, she’d decided to go to bed around nine. But sleep, finicky thing that it was, had been evading her ever since.
At first, River had tried to meditate. Eliza had suggested that it might be a helpful tool in dealing with the recent changes in River’s life.
Meditation had left River feeling frustrated and empty.
Then, she’d attempted to just lie in bed and try to silence her mind. That had failed spectacularly. The more she tried not to think, the more thoughts invaded her brain.
River had tried changing her clothes. She swapped her flannel pajamas for a sleep shirt that fell to mid-thigh, hoping the cool air might help.
It didn’t.
Even the repetitive motions of separating her hair and braiding it hadn’t been enough to quiet her mind. After, she’d tried to empty her mind of thoughts, casting them aside one at a time.
That backfired spectacularly. It had amplified the emptiness inside her, until the void where her magic should’ve been had become the only thing she could think about.
She tried controlled breathing. That also failed.
Progressively relaxing her muscles merely served to make her more frustrated.
It turned out that suffering a crippling loss, releasing a storm, being cut off from one’s magic, learning your mother was also cursed, and finding out that your brother had been withholding an important truth from you for years was stress inducing.
Who knew?
River tried visualizing a calm, peaceful setting, but that didn’t work either. Every time she cleared her mind, she kept remembering that Nikhail hadn’t returned yet. That train of thought led her to thinking about the air fae and the way it felt when they kissed, which inevitably brought her to thinking about his hands on her, and that…
Well, thatcertainlywasn’t helping her settle.
Even though Nikhail was nowhere to be found, Atlas had come home from work a few hours ago. The professor had mumbled a quick hello, carrying a stack of papers to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. His room was at the front of the house, separated from the spare bedrooms by the living room and a hallway.
Another ten minutes crept by.
Then twenty.
Sleep continued to evade River.
Around two in the morning, River decided to give up on sleep.
If she were in Lakewater, she would’ve used the time to study—being a doctor meant there was always more to learn—but allher things were back home. Not only that, but she was still on leave.
Ember had asked earlier when River thought she’d be coming back, but she’d replied honestly, saying she wasn’t sure. The mere thought of running into another patient with the Stillness had River’s chest constricting.
She couldn’t avoid work forever. She knew that, just as she knew that getting back into a position where she could help people would be good for her, but she wasn’t ready yet.
River could’ve texted Ryker, and he would’ve come to keep her company. Her brother had always been there for her, no matter what. Even the sting of his betrayal didn’t make that any less true.
But River wasn’t ready to talk to Ryker. There was a part of her that understood where he’d been coming from when he hid the truth of Brynleigh’s Making. He was, in his own way, trying to protect her. That didn’t soothe the pain in her heart, though.
With a full-body sigh, River slipped out of bed. Opening the door with care, so she didn’t make a sound, she padded to the kitchen. The bungalow was dark, and the soft glow of streetlights lit her path.
Atlas’s house was small and homey, and River felt like it fit the earth fae’s personality to a T. Meticulously decorated, not over the top, but comfortable. The kitchen was at the back of the house, and while it probably wasn’t up to Tertia’s standards, since it wasn’t made of pure gold and didn’t boast of top-of-the-line appliances, it had everything a person needed.
River poured herself a glass of water, sipping it while she walked into the small pantry. She hit the light. The shelves were stocked, but not overly full. Tilting her head, River rummaged through the snacks. If this were a stranger’s house, she wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this, but she’d known Atlas for several years, and he had always been kind to her.
As Nikhail had predicted, the earth fae had welcomed River with open arms, saying she could stay as long as she needed. Still, she made a mental note to transfer money to Atlas tomorrow to cover her food. He’d said it wasn’t necessary, but River was a Waterborn, and Waterborns took care of their debts. River might’ve had a very troublesome relationship with her mother, but some lessons were hard to forget, and that was one of them.