Dragging his fingers through his hair for the twentieth time that hour, Nikhail groaned. He tugged on the tie hanging askew on his neck, loosening it. Nikhail couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in such disarray at work. He prided himself on being put together at all times, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
Not right now, when he was in pieces. He’d been this way all day, and it was an unsettling feeling.
Less than twenty-four hours had passed since he’d left River in Ryker’s hands, but it felt like years had gone by.
It wasn’t that Nikhail didn’t trust his best friend. He knew Ryker was more than capable of looking after River, not that she needed a babysitter. It was the fact thathewasn’t with River that was bothering him.
Last night, Ryker had texted Nikhail to confirm that he and River had arrived safely at the farmhouse. The generic message had been a check-in between friends, nothing more, and that had been the end of the conversation.
Nikhail hadn’t asked about River because, as far as his best friend was concerned, he’d stayed at the Hub with her out of obligation to Ryker, not to his sister. He hadn’t wanted to arouse suspicion, but not asking for more details had physically pained Nikhail. He had never hated the fact that he and River were hiding their feelings for each other more.
Waking up on his own this morning had been a special kind of torture. Nikhail had tossed and turned all night long, his brain seemingly unable to comprehend that just because River wasn’t with him at that moment didn’t mean she was in danger.
It hadn’t been like this before.
For years, Nikhail had been able to keep River at a distance. He’d gone about his life as best he could, knowing that River was out there, away from him.
But something had shifted between them.
Now that Nikhail had tasted River and watched her come apart for him, he didn’t want to let her go. Being with her completed him, filled in a gap he hadn’t realized existed before her.
He wanted to keep River close at all times.
Not because she was weak and couldn’t look after herself, but because there was a part of Nikhail—the ancient, primal, fae partof him—that knew River was his. And healwayslooked after the people he claimed.
So now, every fucking minute was dragging. Each was longer than the last as Nikhail tried to exist in this new reality where he needed River, and she wasn’t at his side.
Nikhail glanced at his phone, which was resting innocently beside his laptop. The black screen mocked him. His fingers were reaching for the device, unlocking it before his mind had even registered the movement, and he checked for a message that he already knew wasn’t there.
Nikhail was fairly certain that River’s phone wasn’t even in her possession, since she hadn’t had it in the Hub. Still, that hadn’t stopped him from sending her a message last night. Nothing big, just a simple,Thinking of you. Miss you.
For the hundredth time that day, Nikhail opened his message thread with River.
His last text remained unread, which was the ultimate reason for Nikhail’s disarray. It had been a long day. This morning, he’d showered before going into work, knowing he couldn’t afford to miss any more days. He’d sat through three meetings, including a video call with a dozen Representatives and the Chancellor herself, who was back home and recovering.
The whole time, his mind had been on River.
In all his years, Nikhail had never understood the term,watching the clock, especially when it came to work. He loved his job. Not only did he get to use his magic on a daily basis, but he also enjoyed puzzles and technology and getting to piece things together.
But now, he sympathized with those who had coined the term. He understood perfectly where they’d been coming from.
He was here, waiting for a socially acceptable time to leave. He wouldn’t be done working—with the recent attacks,downtime was nearly nonexistent—but he could at least take his work back to Atlas’s with him.
Nikhail had given up his lease on his Golden City apartment when he moved to Lakewater, so he appreciated the professor’s generosity. Atlas had lent Nikhail one of his spare bedrooms, saying he could stay as long as he needed.
The earth fae’s bungalow wasn’t overly large, but the three-bedroom, two-bath home felt extravagant for the two of them. Nikhail didn’t know how Atlas handled the size of the home on his own when he wasn’t hosting guests.
The pair had crossed paths in the kitchen that morning. Atlas had looked up from his coffee, taken one look at Nikhail and grimaced. “Hard night?”
“I need to be by her side,” Nikhail had said, relieved to be able to speak openly about his relationship with River to at least one person. Thank all the gods, Atlas knew River and Nikhail’s secret. He’d uncovered it on the night of the bonding, having guessed what the two of them meant to each other when Nikhail couldn’t stop looking at River.
“It makes sense,” Atlas had said after a moment, his knowing gaze sweeping over Nikhail. “You’ll be heading there after work, I assume?”
“That’s the plan,” Nikhail had replied.
If only he’d known how the day would drag. Nikhail kept telling himself that once he checked on River and saw that she was all right, things would be easier. He’d be able to go back to how things were before. Surely, he’d?—
His phone rang, and he picked it up, swiping his thumb across the screen.