River frowned, as ifhewere the one sprouting insanity.
“Yes, I am.” River let her sleeve drop, and she drew in a shaky breath. “And if you refuse to leave me?—”
Another growl, louder this time.
“I won’t fucking do that.” And gods, he never wanted to hear River bring up the topic of him leaving again. It pained him every time she did so. “I am here for you, River. Your magic won’t divide us.”
Nothing would, if he had his way.
Besides, if Nikhail left now, it would confirm every dark, terrible thing River had ever thought about herself. He’d be no better than her bitch of a mother.
River had been far too kind about Tertia, in his opinion. Grief or not, the Representative should’ve pulled herself out of bed long enough to see her daughter during what was arguably one of the worst moments of her life.
Nikhail wouldneverforgive Tertia Waterborn for that. It was one thing for her to treat River poorly, to belittle and make fun of her daughter, tossing cruel remarks River’s way, but this?
This was a gods-damned unforgiveable offense.
Nikhail couldn’t think of a single thing Tertia could say to rectify this. Actions spoke louder than words, and there was no way for her to go back and change what she’d already done. The damage had been dealt.
River sighed. “I believe you, Nikhail.”
Leaning against him, she buried her face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, a sigh easing out of him as he held her close. His lips brushed across the top of her head, the ghost of a kiss. Her hair was damp and cool to the touch, and she smelled of generic shampoo with just a trace of her natural scent, but something veryfaein Nikhail settled.
River was here, with him, and everything would be okay as long as they were together.
“You are not dangerous, nor are you cursed. I need you to know that.” Nikhail threaded his fingers through River’s hair, holding her to him.
River Waterborn was mighty. A gods-damned force to be reckoned with. Her magic never should have been tamped down. They should have taught her how to embrace her power from an early age.
When Nikhail looked at River, all he felt was awe. She’d overcome so many obstacles already. She could’ve let them defeat her and keep her down, but instead, she got up every day and kept fighting.
But he wasn’t sure that River knew how strong she was. And that broke Nikhail’s heart more than anything else.
“I know you feel that way, but you can’t change my mind. Not about this.” She chewed on her lip ring. “Please, don’t try and make me. I can’t risk taking off the prohiberis, not when I feel like this.”
“How do you feel?”
“Fragmented and fragile. Like I’m one wrong move away from shattering.”
There was something about the agony in River’s voice and the way she looked at him that had his soul aching. Every part of Nikhail rebelled at the thought of not removing the cuffs. He hated that she wanted to leave here with them on, but he hated the idea of forcing her to do something she didn’t want to do even more.
He had to respect her decision, even if it broke him.
He dragged a hand through his hair.
“Okay,” Nikhail said. “If this is your choice, I won’t force you.”
Agony welled in his chest as he spoke those words, far greater than anything he’d ever experienced. It felt as though everything he and River had been moving toward was disintegrating rightin front of him. He wanted her, yet thinking about being in a relationship right now felt selfish. River was on the verge of falling apart, and it seemed like no one but him was there to catch her.
Gripping River’s hand, as if holding her tightly could keep her from breaking, Nikhail turned. He led her to the elevators. They waited in silence for the silver doors to open and then entered in step with each other. Nikhail squeezed River’s hand before releasing it, pressing the button for the ground floor.
The elevator had barely begun its descent when Nikhail slammed his hand over the red emergency stop button. The elevator ground to a halt, and River let out a squeak of surprise. Nikhail pressed his hands flat on the silver surface, drawing in several deep, grounding breaths.
Then, he turned around.
River must’ve seen something on his face because she backed up. She curled her fingers around the rail behind her, clinging to it. “Nik?”
“I’ll pick up the pieces,” he said, advancing toward her.