River tried to gather the strength to move away. She needed to put space between them, to tell him what she should’ve told him the moment they were alone. But instead of doing that, her mouth opened, and she heard herself saying, “Thank you, Nik. It’s beautiful.”
“No, River.” He moved closer, the bench seeming laughably small with him on it. He wasn’t crowding her, though. “You’rebeautiful.”
His thigh brushed against hers, and her leg tingled.Tingled. Gods. Her resolve to stay away trembled. Those embers burst into flames, and heat coursed through her. Her body yearned to get closer to him.
Gods help her, but instead of getting up and leaving, she pressed her leg more firmly against his. Even through herdress and his pants, she could feel the warmth emanating from him.
It was official, she had lost her mind. It must’ve vanished when she asked Nikhail to dance. There were bad decisions, and then there was this…
Whatever it was.
River was so focused on keeping her heart away from Nikhail that she didn’t move when he unclasped the necklace and reached for her. She didn’t tell him to stop when his fingers gingerly brushed her cheek. She didn’t jerk away when his breath warmed her neck, nor did she run out of the solarium.
She sat as still as the marble statues lining the garden path and used every ounce of strength she possessed to protect her heart from this kind man. Pinching her lips together, she tried holding her breath as Nikhail’s scent of almond and cedar wafted over her, but it was no use. It sank into her, flooding her senses.
The fae in her wanted to lean in closer and bury her nose in his neck, drowning herself in his scent. Maybe she still possessed a modicum of sense because she didn’t do that.
He finished putting on the necklace, pulling away as the raindrop settled on her skin. A smile spread across his handsome face. It was beautiful and serene and… vulnerable.
That, more than their dance or the solarium or even the black box, scared her.
She’d never seen Nikhail like this. He’d always been self-assured and confident. He knew who he was, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. But this Nikhail? The vulnerable, open, gift-giving one?
He was single-handedly destroying every good intention she had. His fingers rose, snagging a brown tendril thathad escaped her bun.
Swirling the lock of hair around his finger, he breathed, “I’ve been drawn to you since the first day we met, River.”
Her lips parted, but no words came out. Was he really doing this? Was he saying what she thought he was saying?
He continued. “For years, I’ve stood on the sidelines. Watching you. Wondering if I was the only one who felt this way.”
Oh.
Okay.
He really was doing this.
The walls definitely were closing in on her, and those rubber bands were back and tighter than ever. Her dress felt like it was digging into her skin, and her shoes were pinching her toes.
It wasn’t that she didn’t feel anything for Nikhail—how could she not have feelings for him, when he looked like a god and was also kind to her? He never treated her like she was dangerous. Instead, he seemed to respect the storm that ran through her veins.
Of course, she felt something for him. She’d be an idiot not to.
Cursed Ones cannot form connections with other people, she reminded herself desperately.
She tried fortifying the walls around her heart, she really did, but it turned out to be a futile cause. Nikhail’s words were earthquakes, threatening the very foundation of everything she’d built to keep him out.
“I don’t want to stand on the sidelines anymore, River.” He cleared his throat, his eyes darkening. “I don’t think I can. I know I’m not a Representative, and I can’t give you everything they can, but… I want you, River.”
He released her hair, but instead of moving away andgiving her the space her heart gods-damned needed, he stroked her cheek with his thumb. The touch was soft, verging on reverent, and she could melt into it. She probably would, if he kept it up.
This was a bad idea. That much, she remembered. But she couldn’t recall why she had to stay away.
The resolve she’d had earlier? Vanished.
Boundaries? Gone.
The walls she’d built around her heart? They might as well have been constructed out of twigs for all the good they were doing.