Stupidly, she’d agreed to go with him. And now…
Now they were here in the garden, alone. In the solarium.
Hersolarium.
Of all the places they could’ve gone, Nikhail had to go and pick the one that meant the most to her. This had been her refuge for years. Did he know that? Did he know she’d spent hundreds of hours in here, hiding from the rest of the world?
Sola Terran, the Earth Elf her parents employed to tend the gardens, knew this was River’s place. Her solace. Her refuge.
When River had lived in Waterborn House, Sola often checked in on her, making sure she was all right. Gods, in many ways, the Earth Elf had been more of a mother than Tertia had ever been. Sometimes, Sola would even bring River food so she could hide in the solarium longer.
The moonlit structure contained a plethora of memories. She’d spent hundreds of hours stretched out on the stone bench across the way, cramming for tests.
The wooden table at the other end of the solarium would often be covered in textbooks when she studied. She could practically see the paths she’d worn on the floor with Ember, pacing back and forth as they quizzed each other from stacks of flash cards.
And the bench she nowoccupied with Nikhail…
Thiswas the one where she’d run when she couldn’t find peace anywhere else. On some days, when the curse had been a particularly powerful, swirling tempest, threatening to overpower her, she’d come and collapse on this bench.
The uncomfortable, often cold stone surface had been yet another penance for her actions on the night of the Incident.
She would fall upon it, press her cheek against the rough stone, and sob. For years, her tears had watered the potted plants and encouraged them to grow as much as Sola’s magic.
And now, Nikhail had brought her here. Not only that, but he’d swept away the clouds so she could see the stars. How was she supposed to stay strong and keep her distance in the midst of all this?
After what felt like several centuries, but was probably just a few minutes, Nikhail cleared his throat.
“Do you remember the first day we met?” he asked.
River blinked, pulling her gaze from the box to his face. Those look-into-your-soul amber eyes were locked on hers, and her breath caught in her throat.
Gods above, Nikhail had always been beautiful, but right now, he looked like he was carved from starlight. Every handsome feature was accentuated, calling her name. The sharp cut of his jaw. Those lips she’d dreamed of countless times. That hair that, in another life, she would’ve loved running her fingers through, holding him close as they?—
Gods-damn it. She couldn’t be thinking about these things. Not now. Not ever.
She had to remember why those barriers were in place, why she was keeping him at arm’s length. Running her list of reasons through her mind, River swallowed and solidified her resolve.
She coulddo this.
“Yes, I remember,” she whispered, her voice hoarse.
She’d never forget their first meeting. She’d been nineteen and studying hard at the University of Balance. Those days, nightmares of the Incident had haunted her day and night. She’d barely slept for fear of falling into night terrors filled with endless waves and screams of the dying. They felt far too real, and every time, she’d wake in a cold sweat, tangled in her sheets.
Days had passed in hazy blurs of attending classes, spending time with her father, releasing her magic, and studying. She’d barely even seen Ember that year, too tired to do much more than survive.
Or at least, that’s how it had been until the haze broke. Untilhebroke through it.
When Nikhail had walked into Waterborn House, he had been a ray of sunshine, slicing through the darkness. He’d calmed her storm in a way that nothing ever had before.
Her curse had quieted at the sight of the handsome fae who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, and for the first time since coming into her magic, she’d felt like she could breathe. That day, she learned what true serenity felt like.
No, she’d sooner forget her own name than the memory of their first meeting.
She was pulled back to the present when Nikhail’s lips twitched up into the kind of smile that would have most women and men ready to jump into his bed. And she knew many had, in the past. Nikhail’s dating life hadn’t exactly been a secret. Like Ember, he had had his fair share of bed partners in the past.
But now, he was directing that smile ather.
By the Blessed Black Sands, it was ridiculously effective. When he smiled at her like that, all bright and full of life, shewanted to leap into his lap and let him do whatever he wanted to her. It took far too much self-control, but she reached for the walls around her heart and held them firm, refusing to let them drop.