“I was just wondering if you were seeing anyone special, sir?” Nysa looked pointedly at the gifts. “I couldn’t help but notice that there haven’t been any dates in your calendar lately.”
Lovely, captivating eyes, long locks of chestnut hair, and the fresh scent of rain flashed through Nikhail’s mind.
“I’m not exactly seeing someone,” he said slowly, choosing his words carefully in the fae way that had been ingrained in him since childhood. Fae couldn’t lie, but as a whole, they were selective about how they used their words. “But I’m taking a break from dating.”
He hadn’t been out with anyone, let alone been tempted to open a dating app, since River’s storm two months ago.
“Interesting.” Nysa tilted her head, tapping her manicured nail on the desk. “So, these are…”
His cheeks heated, and gods, that was a strange sensation. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d blushed. He felt like a young teenager all over again.
“Well, there is someone.” It felt good to say it out loud, even if he wasn’t entirely sure what was between him and River. He could breathe more easily, as if a weight had been lifted from his chest.
Nysa grinned like a cat who just got the cream, and sheleaned forward, jiggling her knee. “I knew it,” she said jubilantly.
“Well, I’m afraid it’s not that exciting.” He rubbed his chin, frowning at the gifts. “I’m not sure what we are. It’s… complicated.”
That felt like an understatement, if he was being honest.
“Oh?”
He traced the smaller of the boxes, studying the black velvet as if it contained the secrets of the world. “She’s my best friend’s sister.”
Nikhail wasn’t sure why he was sharing this with Nysa, but it felt good to talk about the turmoil that had been plaguing him for months.
“I see.” She hummed in the back of her throat, leaning back in her chair. “That does complicate matters, doesn’t it?” She studied the boxes, then lifted her gaze to Nikhail. “I take it her brother wouldn’t approve?”
A dry chuckle burst out of Nikhail. “To say he would be displeased would be significantly downplaying things.”
Ryker had already warned Nikhail away from his sister. The fae captain was a good man, a great soldier, and a fantastic friend, but more than all that, he was an extremely protective brother.
Not that Nikhail blamed him. If River were his, he would be protective of her, too. He wouldn’t let anyone touch her, let alone look at her.
“Is that the only problem?” Nysa asked.
“No, there are others.”
Their ages, for one. Nikhail was fourteen years older than River.
If they had already lived for centuries, the age gap wouldn’tbe a problem. For the gods’ sake, there were much larger age gaps in their country’s history. The King of Darkness was several hundred years older than the Sunwalking Queen. The High Lady of Life was nearly a century younger than her bonded mate.
But River was young. She had so much life yet to live, and Nikhail couldn’t imagine that she would want to spend it with him.
Even if their ages weren’t an issue, there was another, bigger barrier that had stopped him from claiming River as his long ago. In his heart of hearts, he knew that he could never give her the life she deserved.
He ran his fingers over his cufflinks, remembering how much he saved for them.
Nikhail hailed from a lower middle-class family in the Southern Region, and even though he was paid well for his work, he wasn’t a Representative. He prided himself on the way he dressed, but every item that he’d added to his wardrobe had been put there with extreme care. Each had been a careful consideration of budget versus fashion.
He’d been to Waterborn House and seen how River had been raised. She was used to an elaborate lifestyle with fancy dinners, shopping sprees, and endless funds. His heart ached to admit it, but he couldn’t provide the kind of life she was used to.
She deserved the entire gods-damned world, and he couldn’t give it to her. Not like a Representative could.
And that… that hurt more than he was willing to admit. He had enough money left over at the end of the month to help his mother and sisters, but he couldn’t picture a world where he made enough money to support River comfortably.
He wouldn’t ask her to sacrifice for him. Not when he knew firsthandhow painful that could be.
A wrinkled hand twisted around the smaller box. Nysa popped open the lid, her eyes widening as she peered inside. She whistled low before shutting it and tapping the top.