Unsure of where he was going with this, she tilted up her head, her eyes sweeping over him. “Oh?”
“They tell me all sorts of secrets.” He tucked a lock of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear, his thumb brushing her neck. Tingles raced through her, and she pressed herself more firmly against him. “Did you know that?”
She shook her head, but it didn’t surprise her. Nikhail had always been a man of secrets. She didn’t even know what he did in the military, other than working alongside Ryker in some capacity.
Nikhail shifted, and she could’ve sworn that his lips ghosted the crown of her head. The touch was gone as quickly as it had appeared, though, and it must’ve been the product of her imagination.
“They do,” he said. “Some of their secrets are new, but others are old. Ancient, even.”
Her brows creased. “I’m not sure I understand, Nik.”
What did this have to do with her curse or the storm last night?
A chuckle rumbled through him, and gods, she loved howit felt. “The land has always required balance, River. Our magic cannot exist without it.”
“I know that.” Every fae child learned about the specifics of their magic from a young age.
If Nikhail was upset by the way she’d interrupted him, he didn’t show it. “The winds often talk of a time when the balance was broken. A time where death reigned, and darkness swept through the lands.”
“The Four Kingdoms.” River chewed on the inside of her lip. “Yes, I remember.”
Everyone knew that the High Ladies of Life and Death had restored the balance and banished the darkness. They’d fought valiantly alongside their mates, restoring the balance that gave the Republic its name.
“Good.” Nikhail sounded pleased, and gods help her, her core heated. It was official, her body was a turncoat. It liked this man far too much. “Life and death exist hand in hand. Of all the secrets that have been shared with me, all the stories I’ve been told, that is one of the only constants.”
She blew out a long breath, staring at the hearth on the other side of the room. “But?—”
Nikhail covered her hand with his. “Death cannot be stopped, River. No one, not even you, can do it. It doesn’t matter how hard you try.” His voice softened. “And I know you’re trying.”
He was right; she was trying so incredibly hard. But it wasn’t enough. Constantly running from a cursed fate wasn’t easy, and it felt like she was losing a battle with herself.
Last night had been bad, but what if one day, she lost control completely? What if one day, no amount of steady breathing or calming words could bring her back from thebrink? What if one day, she lost herself to the darkness entirely and death devoured her from the inside out?
“I’m exhausted, Nik,” she admitted. The words were a faint whisper as they slipped from her lips. She didn’t even realize he heard them until a finger raised her chin.
Those soul-seeing eyes drilled into hers. “I know, but I’m here for you. I’ll help you.”
It sounded like he was referring to a role as more than just her brother’s best friend. But she must’ve been mishearing things because they couldn’t do that. They couldn’t be anything more.
“I can’t ask that of you, Nik.” Frowning, she shook her head. “You have a life. What if you’re at work, or out, or on a date, or?—”
“No what-ifs, River.” His arms wound around her, pulling her tighter against his chest. It was like a furnace was blazing inside him, toasting her from the inside out.
This was wrong, she knew that. She should pull away and put space between them, but she didn’t. This felt good. Right in a way that something as forbidden as this shouldn’t.
She protested, “But?—”
This time, she was certain she didn’t imagine the way his lips pressed against her head.
“Stop fighting me on this, River,” he murmured against her hair. “I promise, I will always be there for you.”
And even though the way he made her feel was forbidden, even though she should’ve left the moment she woke up, River let herself believe Nikhail.
Despite the curse running through her veins, despite their age difference and the fact that they were just friends and nothing more, he would help bear some of her curse’s burden.
For once, her magic’s crushing weight didn’t feel as heavy.
CHAPTER 6