“I know,” I said. “But it doesn’t stop me from wanting to kill anyone who hurts you.”
She laughed softly. “Do you know what? That anger is why I agreed to marry you.” She paused, gnawing on her lip. “Do you still want that? Even after everything—”
“Yes.” I silenced her with a kiss. “More than anything.” Our lives were a mess right now, but I could safely say that marrying my mate was something I looked forward to. “Wild horses couldn’t stop me from meeting you at the altar, my love.”
She smiled, and a companionable silence filled the air. For a long time, neither of us spoke. I thought Aileana had fallen asleep when she whispered, “What was your trial?”
My heart squeezed involuntarily as memories flashed before my eyes. I would never forget what I had seen this day.
I must have been silent for longer than I realized because Aileana shifted “Xander?” Concern pulsed through our bond. “What happened?”
Groaning, I rested my head against the stone wall.
“I saw them,” I said, surprised at how raspy my voice was.
“Them?”
“The ones I’ve killed,” I replied after a moment. She inhaled but did not speak. “There were so many of them, Aileana. Far more than I remembered.”
Even now, the faces of the dead flashed before my eyes. I wasn’t ashamed of what I’d done as the White Death—I had needed to survive, and those I killed were the worst of the worst—but still, I carried the weight of the lives I’d ended on my shoulders. After meeting Aileana, I had tried to put that behind me. For a while, it felt like I had been successful in that endeavor. Until now. My past seemed determined to catch up to me.
She exhaled, her hand landing on my cheek. She stroked my skin, and I leaned into her touch. “It’s not your fault, Xander,” she whispered. “They were bad people.”
That wasn’t the worst part, though. Not by a long shot. I said as much to Aileana, and she pressed her forehead against mine. “You can tell me, if you want.”
I shuddered. “They made me choose.”
“What?” Her brows furrowed and confusion pulsed through the bond.
My heart thudded in my chest as the memories I’d been pushing away all day slammed into me.
Closing my eyes, I groaned. “There was a battle. I didn’t see what happened, but in the end, I had to pick. I couldn’t have both.”
Aileana tilted her head, and her voice was soft as she asked, “What did you have to pick, Xander?”
That was the question, wasn’t it?
The choice they had forced me to make would haunt me for the rest of my life.
“You,” I breathed.
The ground shook, and the swirling faces of the dead dissolved. I thought it was over, these hours of horror, of facing the ones I’d killed. Relief started to run through my veins, but it disappeared when my feet landed on the soft, wet ground.
“Where am I?”
Even as the words left my mouth, the sounds and stench of battle came at me.
Soldiers ran past, oblivious to my presence. Ithenmyrians stood by Ipothans, flanked by vampires dressed in black. I barely had time to think about what this meant, because thousands of Winged Soldiers stormed the armies.
It quickly became apparent that no one could see me.
The battle must have been raging for some time. Blood coated the grass, and bodies were littered everywhere. Shouts intermingled with cries of pain. Streams of colored magic filled the air. Red. Blue. Violet.
But no green.
The mating bond on my arm burned, and I turned around. Where was Aileana?
I ran across the battlefield, searching for her. My eyes swept over corpses and rivers of blood until a flash of red hair caught my eye.