“What are you doing?” Donut yelled.
I activated Daughter’s Kiss. I tensed, intent on ramming the kaiju skull with my giant feet.
“Fuck youuuu!” came a new shout, just as we were about to make contact. The shout was so loud, I could hear it over the roar of the engines.
It was Dwight the unicorn, zooming up from our left, giant cannon hanging out the side of their speeding slime-covered vine.
I ripped the steering wheel to the left just as they fired. The food truck flipped as the cannon blast tore through the side of the truck, causing the tail end to whip to the right as we spun like a badly tossed football, still-deployed cages whisking about. My feet came in contact with the kaiju skull, which exploded as we rapidly spun, continuing to rise in the air as our back end clipped against the GTO, which had also been hit by the cannon blast. And then the front of the rapidly deteriorating food truck also hit the vine, which likewise flew up into the air.
All three of our spinning airborne vehicles careened over the finish line at the same time. I let go of the steering wheel as the truck spun over my head. All three of the Dominators were thrown from their vehicle as they passed over the finish line.
I hit the ground hard and slid as flaming, crunching metal rained all around me. I screamed as my kangaroo skin flayed off. My health scroll contingency activated as I continued to roll.
I slammed into something hard, coming to an abrupt stop. I’d hit the groaning form of one of the womantaurs. Corky, still unconscious, also came to a rest next to me.
There was an enormous crunch of fiberglass and metal and glass as the main body of the food truck landed on its back and spun off to my left.
Tater tots and French fries and chicken patties were everywhere. I just stared, dumbfounded, as a frozen chicken patty spun like a coin on the road before stopping still miraculously balanced on its side like in a magic trick.
The GTO was a flaming, crumpled mess. The vine had tumbled to a stop near me, and it was on fire. My kangaroo feet were literally on fire. Despite the healing scroll, both of my arms were broken. Both my legs were broken. Things inside of me were crushed. I took a Fine Healing potion, waited a second, and then took another.
Team Free Love’s van screeched to a stop, and Jasha and Radoslav jumped out, rushing to the food truck.
“Donut,” I croaked, pulling myself up. My pelvis was broken, and I tried to stand before it had fully healed. I pulled myself up a second time, tried to walk, and fell over because of the damn kangaroo feet.
But then Donut was there, unhurt, jumping around me as she patted at my smoldering feet. “Carl, Carl, are you okay? Are you okay? You crashed the truck! Your feet are on fire!”
Jasha pulled the still-unconscious Gluteus from the wreckage. Corky lay in a heap next to me. There was a tear in his suit, and some guts oozed out, but he was still alive. Rapture was standing over Genesis, who was folded over herself in an unnatural pose. She administered a healing potion to her partner.
If this had been a crash outside the dungeon, we’d all have been dead right now. We’d have been splattered all over the place.
“That’s what you get! That’s what you get!” Dwight shouted.
“Yeah, fuck you, swine!” Lucienne added from his back.
They both appeared mostly unhurt, and they remained in their vine. Lucienne’s little helmet was cracked, and the vine itself smoldered like there was fire within it.
Dwight’s unicorn horn sparkled. “Yeah, cry. I want to see you cry. You motherfuckers are all dead next race. You hear me? Fucking dead. We’re gonna shoot you motherfuckers first.”
“Fucking dead,” Lucienne added. “And you owe me a new helmet!”
The vine, trailing smoke, started to limp toward a garage.
Jasha padded up. “What an ending. We lost two teams so far, but I’m not sure if...”
Team One Fine Pig’s APV rumbled over the finish line. There was no sign of the Draconian mercenary who’d been on the roof.
“... Yeah, I guess that’s it,” Jasha finished. “Bad news about the razor foxes. I liked her even though she was trying to get us to kill you next race. Looks like we’ll have a new competitor joining the neighborhood.”
I groaned again and tried to stand. Our truck was literally spread all over the road. Though the GTO was in worse shape.
“Carl, I don’t even know what place we came in,” Donut said. “We all crossed the finish line at the same time!”
I turned to watch the unicorn team enter the garage with a big “2” painted on the door. A moment later, the doors to both the “1” and “3” garages opened. Groups of gremlins dragging carts and wheelbarrows rushed out of both, headed in our direction.
I grinned.
A set of figures stood in the open garage of house number one. It was Jamal, Dong, and Hedy. Jamal started hopping up and down at the sight of us, waving his mechanical front legs excitedly.