Right in the middle of that street, a massive neon sign blazed, its shining light overpowering everything else. The sign featured a Formula 1–style race car in pink-and-purple neon. Under the car in blinking lights was the bar’s name. The Hairpin. And under it in smaller neon letters, it read, “Desperado Club entrance in the back.”
Imani had said everyone was avoiding the Hairpin for now, and we were to meet at one next door called the Lollipop. I spotted it almost washed out in the light of the Hairpin. The neon sign featured a gremlin waving what looked like a giant lollipop back and forth. And under it was another sign that made me groan inwardly.
Donut returned to my shoulder, grumbling. “Their selection is just abysmal. I did get a cheap trucker hat that says, ‘I’d Hang a Little with Chad.’ I don’t know what that means, but it’s green and yellow and is perfect for the mood wall I’m working on.”
She gasped, seeing the sign under the bar’s name. “Carl, look, look! Karaoke!”
As we approached, I heard familiar shouting coming from a food vendor stall just outside the Lollipop.
“It is meat on a stick. Meat on a stick is my favorite food,” a voice called. Jurgen.
“I do not see any sort of health inspection certificate. Did you not see that warning when we entered town, you bumbling imbecile? I will not have you suffering from gastrointestinal distress while we race for our lives.”
“I did read it,” Jurgen said to Prepotente, handing a gold coin over to the Draconian vendor, who happily handed the meat skewer to the large bearded man. Jurgen held up a second finger and received a second skewer. “It also said some food items increase the mount’s speed, and since you insisted upon picking that thing, we need all the speed modifications we can get. I have an iron stomach, so if it’s a bad result, we deal with it.”
“Hi, Prepotente! Hi, Jurgen!” Donut called, waving furiously from my shoulder. “Are you coming in to sing karaoke with me and Carl?”
“Well-met, Donut!” Prepotente called, waving back. “And, Carl, hello! I am so glad to see you both. Please talk some sense into my idiotic partner, who is insisting on sabotaging our next race.”
“I have a sixth sense about these things. Isn’t that right, Heidi?” Jurgen said.
“Did I read that correctly earlier?” Donut asked. “Your mount is named Sweety? That’s just adorable. What is she?”
Jurgen grunted and took a bite of the meat stick. The stall simply had a sign over it that said “Meat” with no further elaboration. I tried to examine the stick, but I received an error.
No food in Hungry Eyes may be examined. Good luck.
Jurgen chewed with his mouth open. “Is a big dud, is what our mount is. We should have chosen mechanical. I told him Iwas a mechanic before he picked, but he just doesn’t listen. Now we are stuck with the giant elephant pig. It’s slow, and it smells.”
Prepotente sniffed indignantly. “Our mount, Sweety, is a large-mount-sized mammal called a Perriso. She is similar to a creature called a tapir, but large enough to carry myself, this oaf here, and one or two more mercenaries, which I’m afraid we’re going to have to do once this idiot starts violently vomiting mystery meat over the sidewalk.”
Jurgen patted his stomach and then bit into his second meat stick. “If we are to be partners, then you need to learn to trust my intuition. Carl trusted me enough to make me a general on the last floor, and I don’t know why you?—”
And that’s when Jurgen started violently vomiting mystery meat all over the sidewalk.
[ 15 ]
Entering the Lollipop.
Safe room rules do NOT apply to this establishment.
A singer howling an off-key rendition of some 80s song I barely recognized assaulted our ears as we entered the crowded bar. I turned my attention to see an odd short creature with a flat head standing on a stage singing her heart out as cheap lights flickered on and off around her.
The creature was a monster type I’d seen a few times on the recap episodes. A kappa. It was somewhere between a naiad and a goblin wearing aTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtlescostume. Kappas had turtle shells and water-filled bowls for heads. If too much of the water spilled from their head bowls, they were immobilized. I remembered Elle once telling the story of how she’d killed several by freezing their heads.
This singer bounced enthusiastically onstage while she sang. She didn’t seem too concerned about spilling. When she turned her head to the side, I saw why. She had some sort of Saran-Wrap-with-rubber-bands covering on her head, keeping the water in place.
Dekoki. Kappa. Level 84 Seductress.
One of four from team Yokai.
Two other creatures crowded the stage, dancing and shouting encouragement. One was a ghost with long white robes and the other was a red ogre-like beast. It was odd seeing such monstrous mobs acting so normal. I realized there was a third creature dancing with them. It appeared to be a sapient paper lantern, just floating there and bouncing through the air, spinning in circles, laughing with the ghost while the kappa sang.
Donut bopped on my shoulder to the music. Jurgen, who’d somewhat recovered from his vomit spree, stood next to us, looking ill. And next to him, Prepotente started moving his arms back and forth like he was cross-country skiing. I realized he was attempting to dance.
“Where do you think we sign up?” Donut asked.
“I don’t think we’ll have time for singing today,” I said.