Donut: DIDN’T THEY GET ARRESTED AT A WALMART FOR FIGHTING? LIKE, FIGHTING EACH OTHER?
Carl: Sort of. It was at a Target.
Donut: YES, THAT’S RIGHT. YOU LENT BILLY THE MONEY TO BAIL THEM OUT, BUT HE ONLY BAILED OUT ONE AND THEN EVERYONE GOT MAD AT YOU AND NOT BILLY FOR SOME REASON.
Rapture spat again, splattering more brown goo on the ground.
“You guys just gonna stare all day or what?” Chiyome asked.
“We came over here to check out the competition, but it don’t look like there is any,” Genesis finally said. “Come on, Rapture. Let’s go get some real booze at the Hairpin. We don’t drink with roadkill.”
Rapture spat a third time and then dropped the shredded remains of the beer can, but it landed inside her boot still on the ground. They both lowered their hands into the boots. I heard a slight crunch as Rapture stuck her hand in the boot, and she made a pained expression, but she didn’t actually remove the can. They both turned and started their weird lurch-walk toward the portal into town, Rapture trying not to put weight on the boot with the can inside. Just before the portal, Rapture stood back to her height and turned the boot upside down, shaking the pieces of aluminum out.
“My people have a name for people like that,” Radoslav said as we watched them go. “We call them dumbasses.”
“Don’t underestimate any enemy,” Chiyome said, her fox eyes narrowed. “They’re not as dumb as they look. They both practice domination magic.”
Carl: Mordecai, what’s domination magic?
Mordecai: Like Donut’s charm ability, but it usually saps energy or mana from the victim. Donut’s Love Vampire skill is an example. Your Mind Balance will keep you immune, and Donut’s high charm should also keep her safe.
A few spots over, the door to garage number three remained open. A figure stood there, mostly hidden in the shadows, staring at us. He, too, was wearing a bodysuit that covered his body and his head, but it was all black. Unlike the ninja suits of the razor foxes, this suit appeared to be made of shiny vinyl. A glint of light implied there was a zipper right at the mouth.
A gimp suit.
The creature raised his top hand and waved at us just before the garage door started to lower.
“What the shit?” I grunted as everyone else turned their attention to the other creature. “I guess that’s what a half-mantaur looks like. I should’ve known it would’ve been something stupid like this.”
This guy was, indeed, half of a mantaur. Halfvertically. It was hard to fully see, but it appeared he was split right down the center, right between the eyes and all the way down through the groin. The creature stood upon a single leg—his right leg—with a right arm and second right arm above that. Even his suit-covered head appeared to be split in half.
“Halfsies gotta wear suits like that to keep their guts and brains from spilling out,” Chiyome the fox said, also watching the door close. She was spinning a ninja star on the tip of her fingers as she drank another beer, her fifth. “They don’t usually live long, but I heard this one has been around a while. Used to be a dancer or something.”
“Even his head?” Donut asked, incredulous. “What about his, you know? And where’s the other half?”
Chiyome tossed the ninja star up in the air and made a chopping motion. “There is a spell calledSplit Personality. Cuts you right down the middle.” She caught the star and spun it again. “They can come together and get reglued with a fleshmancer.”
Donut suddenly gasped. “So, do you think that’s Dong Quixote’s friend? The half-mantaur he’s always talking about? What was his name? Corcunda?”
From the garage, the song “Free Bird” from Lynyrd Skynyrd played.
“It’s gotta be him,” I said. I was already girding myself for whatever bullshit drama would come from this, especially since we were going to have to kill this poor guy as soon as possible.
“How could he be a stripper if all his guts spill out when he takes the porn suit off? That seems like it would really ruin the performance.”
“Some things are best left to the imagination, Donut.”
“When will we tell Dong?”
“Never, if we can help it,” I said. “If itisDong’s long-lost partner or whatever, they put him here to fuck with us and the team. The best way to deal with this sort of drama is to avoid stepping into it in the first place. If we get involved, it’s going to backfire.”
“I suppose you’re right. Just like you giving Billy Maloney the money to bail out his sisters.”
“Exactly.”
“It seems kind of mean, though, not to tell him. What if we...” She paused. “Oh, uh,” she said, looking upward.
I felt a ripple to the air at the same time.