Prepare to m-m-m-move. The parade will start as soon as the pacemaker and his mount are in position.
“I think the AI itself is about to explain the important bits.”
[ 92 ]
Chaco appeared out of nowhere,riding a massive donkey. They brushed right past our idling truck on their way to the front of the line.
At first glance, the mount looked like a regular donkey, other than the fact it was absolutely huge, even bigger than Sweety. The thing was decorated in yellow-and-blue parade regalia, including a circular blanket covered in flowers and an ornate headdress that looked like something a Vegas showgirl would wear. Its tack glittered and sparkled like it was covered with thousands of tiny rhinestones.
The donkey did not have hooves but clawed talons, like on the feet of a crow.
Standing upon a platform on the back of the beast, dressed in a formal black-and-white tuxedo complete with a top hat, was Chaco. Chaco held his ever-present microphone in his wolflike hand. The guy leaned against the railing, looking ill and terrified.
Donut gasped. “Hi, Chaco!” she called.
“Hi, guys,” Chaco said meekly, waving back.
Samantha: I KNOW THAT DONKEY. THAT’S MY FRIEND! WAIT, WHY IS SHE LETTING THAT GUY RIDE HER? SHE MUST LIKE HIM BECAUSE LAMMYIS REALLY GRUMPY ABOUT PEOPLE TRYING TO RIDE HER, BELIEVE ME.
I turned my attention back to the donkey, which moved quickly down the line. The giant creature had a strange symbol over its head that I’d missed because it was so small. I’d never seen the symbol before. It was the red curve of a closed eye.
Lamashtu the Donkey. Level 125.
This is a mortal, subjugated god.
This former deity was subjugated by:
Well, not an error. I’m the one who did it. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve, and this creepy donkey ismybitch now.
Anyway, this defeated god has no more worshippers, and per the Ascendency rules, her level has been cut in half. She has lost most of her powers.
As a subjugated deity, she will only remain alive as long as remains alive. If is subjugated instead of killed, her power will be halved again, and she will be under the will of this new entity.
But for now, I just needed a mount for my grand master, and I wanted to send a message to any gods who are watching this that they, too, will soon be my bitch.
“Huh,” I said.
Florin: Here we go, guys. The winged wolf guy is pulling ahead.
On my shoulder, Donut was shaking. But a moment later, she had to jump down to yell at Mongo to get back in line. Grigori pulled ahead on the back of Gonk. Simoom, who was riderless, followed dutifully. After a quick shout from Donut, the dinosaur and Rend started walking along.
Below, Tipid eased the truck forward. Out of nowhere, music started to play. It was a sad orchestral mix, heavy with cello.
Chaco’s voice, loud and filled with bass, boomed louder than the music. His nervousness was clear. He was obviously reading from a script.
“Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the climax of the eleventh floor. I know, I know, you’re probably saying to yourself, ‘Chaco, the eleventh floor just started! We just had that whole final race on the tenth!’ But here’s the problem. Crawlers don’t often make it off the tenth, and them surviving the eleventh floor is a true, uh, rarity. I wanted them alive long... Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’m trying, but please. This was my last season. I was almost free, and I’m so fucking scared.”
The music abruptly stopped. Chaco’s pained voice echoed out.
Florin: Holy hell. He just had both of his wings ripped off! He’s collapsed on the donkey!
We just kept moving forward, the horribles watching, silent, their giant heads creaking as they turned to follow our progression. Ahead, the distinctive metallic squeak of tank treads rose into the air as the Destruction float pushed forward. They only had one other vehicle in their progression, the RV.
For fuck’s sake, why is everyone trying to ruin this? This ismytime. Myfuckingtime. Okay, okay. I need an NPC, preferably someone already on this floor that’s not driving. No, not you. Your voice isn’t strong enough. Ah, fleshmancer. You will do.
Ahead, Grigori suddenly jumped off the back of Gonk, flipped in the air, ran across the top of the ice-cream truck, somersaulted, and then zipped forward like a superhero before disappearing.
Florin: Your fleshmancer guy just landed on the back of the donkey. He’s taken the microphone from Chaco, who’s still unconscious. That guy is bleedingheavily, and his health is lowering. Should I toss a healing potion on him?