“Oh my god, Carl.Gilmore Girls? Really?”
“That’s the show with the hotel, right? Anyway, revenge and vengeance aren’t the same thing.”
Donut scoffed a second time. “What’s the difference?”
Zev: Well, I think it’s a fantastic idea. And just as an FYI, bothGilmoreandGossiphave been taking the net by storm over the past few weeks. Odette’s husband of all people was the first to buy the rights to every showDonut has ever mentioned. It’s probably the only thing keeping the orcs solvent right now.
Donut: OMG, HI, ZEV! HOW ARE YOU?
Zev: Terrified, but I’m okay. I’m messaging with a question from Orren. He’s blocked from sending messages for some reason. He wants to know if Carl made his choices yet because we didn’t see you make a choice.
Carl: It says I have to wait to make them, so I’m waiting.
Zev: Okay. Weird. Thanks, Carl.
Old Shuck, the black dog, was now straining, trying to get at Bianca, wagging his tail. I hadn’t realized until just that moment that the biological mounts were stuck in place in their spots.
“Carl, did Zev just say Odette’s husband is an orc?”
“He’s not an orc,” Rosetta said, suddenly appearing in the garage. “He’s a Crest. He’s one of those rich investor trillionaire guys that’s rarely in the news but always has his thumb in everything. He’s the only reason the orc economy doesn’t collapse in on itself.”
“That’s what Zev just said!”
“His name is Harry Tisch. He lives in the Skull Empire system becausewewanted to arrest him for tax fraud, but Rust used his council veto to drop the extradition request. The orcs always extend safe harbor to financial criminals in exchange for investment funds. So 33% of everything he earns goes to the orcs. But in recent years, he’s been slowly, slowly turning it around on the orcs and has been ingraining himself even deeper into their empire, buying lots and lots of stock. He’s very smart when it comes to investments. That’s how he met Odette in the first place. He bought her warrant.”
“Wait,” Donut said. “So when you, uh, looted, that money from King Rust, you were stealing from Odette?”
“No,” Rosetta said. “They keep everything separate. Odette isnota fan of the Skull Empire. If anything, my reclamation action gave her husband the ability to capture more stock because the survivors will have to unload assets to make up for the loss. I’ve studied their finances for years, and I still don’t understand it all. All I know is that his tendrils are everywhere. And I know Odette herself has very little to do with it, at least on the surface. She has her own empire going.” And then she added, “That’s the problem with hitting the elites financially. Every time you hurt one, all it does is make another richer. That won’t stop until the baskets overflow with their godsdamned heads.”
Elle: Who did you get stuck with? We have those three Chinese guys whose names I can’t pronounce. We’re spot number three, and our theme is “Betrayal.”
Donut: WE HAVE VENGEANCE, AND CARL SAYS THAT ISN’T THE SAME THING AS REVENGE. WE’RE WITH PREPOTENTE AND JURGEN. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO. I WISH WE HAD BETRAYAL. THAT ONE IS EASY.
Florin: We’re in spot number one. Our theme is “Resolution.” I’m not even sure what that means. We have Ajib’s crew with us.
It turned out, the five float themes were Resolution, Decision, Betrayal, Destruction, and Vengeance.
“I’m glad we didn’t get Decision,” Donut said. “I think that’s the worst one. What’re they gonna do? Put up a giant menu? Or maybe like a voting ballot? Hmm. Wouldn’t want to get too political. They really should’ve given you the Destruction one, honestly. You could just detonate a bomb onstage. Carl, do you know what any of this is about? These are not normal themes. I just assumed these were going to be floats like they do on Thanksgiving.” She gasped. “A balloon! Don’t we have thatairplane Florin stole during Faction Wars? We were going to give it to Louis!”
“Actually,” I said, “we do. Louis transferred ownership of the hangar to Imani, but the plane itself is owned by Florin, I think. I’ll message him the idea. It’s a troop transport.”
“Carl, Donut,” Prepotente said as he and Jurgen approached. Behind him, Mongo was sniffing at Bianca’s butt as she bristled. Rend returned to Onikuma the bear and was running in circles around him. “I do not know what is happening with this level, but I do have some ideas for our parade progression. Obviously, we will be joining battle as soon as this first portion of the parade ends, but with Carl’s plan, there will be gods fighting in this arena, and we do not know the size of this place. Therefore, they may arrive huge. I suggest we quickly design?—”
“We need paper maché!” Donut suddenly exclaimed, waving her paws. “You! Gremlins, engineer guys, come here this instant! Raise your hand if you know how to make an origami flower!”
A gremlin from Prepotente’s garage named Ricken raised his hand tentatively.
“We do not have time for papier-mâché,” Prepotente said. “Donut, if you want flowers, don’t you have several druid spells? Certainly, you can make real ones bloom.”
Donut gasped.
[ 89 ]
We enteredthe safe room and found all the mercenaries sitting around the screen, watching. It showed a scrolling view of what looked like a map of the Iron Tangle.
“Oh no, you’re not a doggy anymore,” Samantha said, sounding sad. She was sitting on the kitchen table, struggling to roll, and muttering under her breath, “First, I lose Louis and now someone takes my doggy away.”
“What is this?” I asked, looking at the screen. Donut bounded across the room toward the mailbox. She opened it and then scoffed loudly. But then she pulled out what looked like a wide-brimmed brown hat and squealed with pleasure.