I just learned this hard lesson, so I am bestowing it upon you. Beware exits that seem too good to be true. But hey, maybe your new girlfriend, Eris, knows more about this than I do, because I have no damn clue about anything that’s going on with that whole Scavenger’s Daughter thing. I mean, I did. I’m the one who put all that together.
But a strange thing happens when you spread a bunch of seeds in fertile soil. They sprout and start to do things on their own. It’s like children. The more they grow, the less you know what the fuck they’re doing. Maybe it’ll work. But I don’t like that Eris chick. And those war mage dudes are like that weird, skeevy cousin whose parents have given up on him and who now maybe lives in an attic, maybe in a car. You never know how they’re going to end up. Maybe they’ll be a famous chef. Or a complete burnout. Or a mass murderer. None of those would surprise you.
Anyway, you now may choose two creatures, people, whatever, within my sphere of influence to bring to the 11th floor arena, which will appear at the end of the Parade of Horribles. To ratchet the drama to 11, we’ll have you wait until you’re inside the arena to make your choice.
I sighed. “We need to get to work.”
Mordecai: Okay, guys. A single flower just bloomed on the cactus.
Donut gasped.
It had worked. A single flower was the code meaning that Li Na had made it to the Pineapple Cabaret and that it was safe to bring the others.
Beware exits that seem too good to be true.
[ 68 ]
“Okay, Carl,”Donut said as we exited the truck. “We won the stupid quest. Are you going to tell me your plan?” She let out Mongo, who started to bounce around and sniff at the still-hot truck.
I gave Donut a humorless grin. “I am. But I’m only going to explain this once. Let’s get everyone together first. We need to have a big conversation. But we gotta do it carefully. We don’t want any gods figuring it out.”
The door opened, and three people entered the garage. It was Bucket Boy, Bigs, and Samantha.
“Wait, where’s Dong?” Bucket Boy asked. “Where’s Corcunda?” In the crook of his arm, he was holding Bigs, whose head hatchet sagged as she looked about.
“Guys, I’m really sorry,” I began.
“Let’s go sit down and talk about what happened,” Donut said, moving to the door of the safe room. “Let’s go to the couch. Mongo, you’re on guard duty.”
The first thing Samantha did was spy Grigori just standing there, still wiping off his robe. “I knew it! You’ve been hiding him from me!”
“Ah, yes, the so-called withering spirit,” Grigori said, looking down at Samantha, who was rolling circles around him. “You and I need to have a conversation.”
She shot up in the air, snuffling all around him until she was eye to eye with him. “So, you’re a fleshmancer, eh?”
“My dear, I am no mere fleshmancer. I am Grigori the Placid, the most renowned flesh sculptor this dungeon has ever known.”
“Well, I’m Samantha, who will kill your mother if you don’t do what I say. Come on. We need to go into town and find a compatible body for me, and we can do the procedure. I heard there’s a prostitute named Vertical Smile in the High-Classes Bitches club who might be a good match. I’m probably banned from getting in, so you’ll have to smuggle me under your robes, but if we go now, we’ll beat the lunch rush.”
He grasped Samantha out of the air and started turning her over in his hands.
“Hmm,” he said. “Very interesting. I will need to examine you properly. Not in here.”
“Okay, Mr. Handsy,” Samantha said, sighing heavily. “You want some role-play first? Fine, but I promised Bigs and Jamal they could watch the next time I bring someone home. You’re not normally my type since you look like a creepy-van grandpa, which is not really my thing. I like my men with a little more meat hanging on their bones. But I’ll give you five minutes over at my place. I just made Bucket Boy install a swing, and Louis gave me a lava lamp. Come along. Let’s get this over with. You gotta take off your shoes when you enter. I won’t have you trailing blood on my new rug, especially if Ezra is going to be leaving us.”
“Uh,” Grigori said, but he allowed Samantha to drag him into the safe room, with her flying while he still held her in two hands.
“Jamal, come!” Samantha shouted.
“Oh boy, Jamal is quite excited,” he said, hopping off the wall where he’d been hanging out.
The dungeon announcement crackled. It wasn’t Zev but Cascadia, who clearly hadn’t sobered up since this floor had started.
I am still here, motherfuckers. I am not dead. But you know who is? Cumberland. You’re probably about to die, too. But I keep thinking that, and you cockroaches just don’t. Honestly, I don’t care anymore. Live, die. Who fucking cares?
She sat there, just blowing bubbles into the microphone.
Louis: Is that the whole announcement?