Note. It’s pretty much impossible to kill these things. You willnotreceive a boss box unless one is dead-dead. Good luck.
“Okay, hold them together!” Grigori yelled.
“I got you. I got you,” Dong said as we raced along the track.
The slag elemental hurled a ball of metal at us, and we rocked as it slammed into the side of the truck, threatening to overturnus. The heat sink gauge flashed, moving all the way up before settling down.
We rushed up right on the ass of the ferret. It appeared to have slime creatures pressed onto its back.
Containment Warning!
“I hope this works,” I growled as I pushed forward and slightly down with the steering wheel.
I felt us fold into the space under the ferret, going between its legs, only to pop up on the other side. The trans-dimensional upgrade had worked as advertised, though the moment we folded back to regular size, my stomach lurched.
“Oh gods,” Grigori called from the back. “I’m going to be ill again. Dong, hold them with all your strength!”
“I have you,” Dong shouted. I turned to see the old man clinging tightly to the mantaur’s lower torso while both halves hugged him back. “I have you, and I will never let go again!”
I leaned forward so my waist was better secured in the seat as all the blood rushed to my head. We were now outpacing several of the other racers, many of whom were currently engaging directly with the elementals. We switched tracks at an intersection as Grigori started to chant. Ahead and across the room, I spied both Osvaldo—who was on the wall—and team Free Love’s van, which was right side up but still attached to the ceiling. They had some sort of device on their roof that allowed them to travel along the track. They weaved in and out of danger.
Prepotente: Everybody, I have discovered how to delay these elementals. It may sound counterintuitive, but if you add any non-molten metal to them, they will immediately collapse and return to the river and wait for it to melt before they can attack again!
“The initial casting is done!” Grigori called. “Now we wait for the parts to fuse. This is the important time! Hold themtogether, Dong! Hold them no matter what happens, or it will fail!”
“What about his dingle dangle?” Donut shouted from behind. “Shouldn’t that be, you know, matched up together? They’re flapping in different directions! It’s going to end up looking like a hot dog that exploded in the microwave!”
“We will fix any inconsistences after the race,” Grigori said, panting heavily. “It’s the brain that’s important. And both hearts, though if you wish to hold his extremities together while it works, you may.”
“I am not touching that thing!”
“Worry not about his lance,” Dong called, straining as he held the two men together, muscles bulging on his arms. “That is normal for the mantaur race. The windmill, it is called.”
“It’s normal for his penis to look like a hand after a fireworks accident?”
Wham!A glob of molten metal slammed into the hood of the truck. The heat sink gauge again topped out, but not before a giant hole appeared in the hood, exposing part of the engine, which started to whir.
The elementals were everywhere, but a single shot of anything seemed to be enough to knock them off the wall. They’d fall the three stories to the river of metal below, and it would be a few moments before they returned.
Warning: Race ends in 10 minutes.
“Okay, I am casting the final part of the spell now,” Grigori called. Up ahead, the exit to the room loomed.
“Dr. Metcalf! Does the track leave the ceiling in the next room? Will we flip again?”
I have no idea. I’m still freaked out about the mantaur-penis thing.
I turned to see Corky and Porky, naked, smashed together like a grilled cheese sandwich, all wrapped up with plastic wrapin various places, multiple hernias bulging out, Dong holding them together with all his might, eyes clenched closed, tears streaming.
“I got you,” he cried over and over. “I got you.”
Dong’s health was much farther into the red than I had realized.
The two halves, Corky and Porky, still had health bars over each half, also in the red, but as I watched, the health bars joined, and they became one.
Their names disappeared and a single name reappeared. Corcunda.
A massive notification materialized, blocking my vision, and I waved it away.