I turned to look at the door leading to the guildhall. Li Na was in there waiting. Everybody was waiting. I thought of that moment when I’d almost lost my cool and killed Empress D’Nadia on the last floor. Or of the moment when I did slip and lose it when Finley and the others had died.
I thought of the voices in my head whispering just below the surface, all scrabbling to grab my attention. I thought of the tremor in my hands that I’d been studiously ignoring since Donut’s attack in the tower.
Li Na. Lucia Mar. It would be so easy for that to be me. Hell, itwasme. I was no longer standing on the edge. I had already stepped off, and now I was holding on by my fingers, and I was slipping, slipping, slipping.
You will not break me.
You will not.
Dong patted me on the arm and forced a smile. “Of course, my boy. Of course. I understand. Others don’t think of folks like myself as someone who can have a partner because of what we do. Like I’m unworthy of love when they’re the ones who come to me. It’s like they don’t think we’re real.” He paused. “Do you know why I fell in love with him?”
“Why?”
“There was a fight once in the Desperado Club. A big battle not unlike the one where you and Katia laid waste to the establishment. This was just after he’d been split. And I was afraid. I was afraid the fighting would spread to the Penis Parade and that we would all die. Corky looked at me, put a hand on my shoulder like you just did, and said, ‘Maybe we will die today. But if we do, then we will die together, and that’s more than most people get. There’s no such thing as a sad ending if it’s by the side of the people who make you happy.’?”
Samantha was suddenly there, floating next to me. “I’m going to steal that line when Carl lets me drive and I make the car crash.”
“Gah,” I cried, surprised at her sudden appearance. “I didn’t hear you come in!”
“Everybody is waiting for you in the other room,” Samantha said. She sniffed around, suspicious. She turned to the other person in the room. “You’re the beautiful man, huh?” She snuffled around his leg. “You’re only half as handsome as I thought you’d be. Why don’t you unzip that thing and really open up to us?”
“Come on, Samantha. People are waiting.” I stood, patting Dong on the leg. “Rest while you can. Gather your strength. I have to go out there. There’s someone else here you should probably talk to.”
I moved aside, revealing the half-mantaur standing behind me, who’d been quietly waiting, listening.
Dong looked up, acknowledging the other presence for the first time.
“Hello,” Porky said, his voice quiet, sad. “I remember that day when the club was under siege. I soon thereafter left. I thought running a guild would be safer.”
Dong looked him up and down. “Good sir, that’s my scarf.”
“I know,” Porky replied, reaching up to touch it. “My other half let me have it when I went off. He said I’d want it, and I told him I was going to throw it out because it was really yours, and he said, ‘No, you won’t.’ And I didn’t.”
There was an awkward moment of silence.
“Why did you hate me?” Dong finally asked.
“Come on, Samantha,” I said, grabbing her out of the air. We needed to give them their privacy.
“Wait,” she complained. “I want to see what happens next. Deathbed make-up sex is my favorite kind. I’ve had it like threetimes. Four if you count that incident with Charlie. Do you think you can have make-up sex on a first date?”
“Just stop,” I said as we moved toward the door. “That’s not the half that he was with. That’s the other one.”
She gasped. “If theydohook up, do you think it would be considered cheating? Like, if you get the two pieces back together, and their mind melds, and suddenly the mantaur guy has this big moral conundrum because he cheated on himself with himself andthen...” She paused. “Wait, how are you planning on getting them glued back together?”
“Comeon,” I said, covering her mouth. She started growling and chewing on my hand.
I moved toward the exit with her struggling form. The cleaner bot was still here, pressed against the common room door, listening to what was going on in there.
I paused, regarding the grumpy but studious little robot. “You know,” I said, “you take a lot of abuse. I’m sorry for that. If this works out with your friend in there, we’ll be needing you to do the same thing. You’re a goddamned hero, and if I don’t get a chance to say it before we need you, I just want you to know that I appreciate it.”
The robot let out a long beep.
[ 61 ]
Li Na satin the middle of the common room, hovering a foot off the floor. She glowed, and her good eye remained closed. The other, mechanical eye twitched, clockwork gears spinning. A large group of us had formed around her. Standing next to her were Mordecai, Mistress Tiatha, and Rosetta. The white cleaner bot also hovered nearby.
Mongo stood at the edge of the room, posted up near the Bopca at the storefront.