She peered through the darkness. Struggled to regain her bearings.
“Damn.”
She rested her face in her hands and waited for the calm to replace the fear.
The dream.
Same one she had suffered her whole life. She was under the water. It was too murky to see what was holding her down. Something strong ... heavy ... sat on her chest, making it impossible to rise up or to get away.
She flung the covers back and got out of bed. Her body shivered as the cool air in the room rushed over her sweaty skin. The digital clock on the table next to the bed mocked her: 4:01. It wouldn’t be daylight for another couple of hours. No one she needed to talk to would be out and about yet.
“Dammit.” She turned on the bedside lamp, then rummaged through her bag for clothes.
A shower to wash away the lingering funk that held on after those damned dreams would be good. Back when she was a kid she used to climb into bed with her mom to chase away the icky feeling of dying. Later she had ...
Stop.She didn’t want to think about that.
The bathroom looked just as crappy this morning as it had last night. Maybe worse. Dark spots on the wall behind the toilet warned that something related to a long-term water leak was flourishing. The wallpaper had curled and drooped around the ceiling. But the fixtures looked clean enough. The fake stone linoleum floor had seen way better days.
“Could be worse.” She grabbed a white towel that looked and smelled clean and slung it over the shower curtain rod. After adjusting the spray of water, she stripped off her T-shirt and panties, then stepped beneath the welcoming heat and dragged the dingy curtain into place.
Memories of showering with Wyatt barged their way into her head. She opened her eyes and forced the images away.
“What’s the deal here?” She gave herself a mental shake.
For most of the nine years she had been gone from this godforsaken place she’d done a stellar job of not thinking about him. It had been hard at first, but then her career had gained momentum and she’d started to date other men and eventually it had become a lot easier. Adeline had finally succeeded in tucking him into the furthest reaches of gray matter—where he’d obediently stayed. She actually hadn’t thought about him in ages.
How could seeing him after all this time make such a totally screwed-up impact on her willpower? Have her reliving the past so vividly?
Maybe it was that whole closure thing.
They hadn’t talked since that last day. He’d called and left messages that she had erased without listening to. He’d spoken to her mother and attempted to pass along more urgent messages.
Ignore. Ignore.
How could something that happened a decade ago still matter? At all? “Stupid.” She swiped the water from her face. “Just totally stupid.”
She rinsed her hair and skin, then shut off the water. What difference did it make if she forgave him or not? They had been over like ... forever. She had moved on. If some rogue brain cell was still clinging to the idea of closure, then that cell needed to screw off.
Adeline didn’t need closure or anything else from Wyatt Henderson. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She needed him to do his job and to find the facts related to this investigation. And to stay out of her way.
As she dried off she studied her face in the mirror. She still looked young. Turning thirty last year hadn’t been the end of the world. She kind of liked being in her thirties. She felt stronger and more confident. Her twenties had been too full of turmoil and making a new life. As a cop and a woman she’d always felt secure ... it was the whole relationship thing where she had fallen below the mark. Some would say her life was pretty damned dysfunctional on a personal level. Her father had died within weeks of her twenty-first birthday. Her mother refused to leave “Cooperville” except for rare visits to Huntsville. No one Adeline had grown up with or gone to school with remembered her fondly.
Why the hell should she care what those people thought of her?
She didn’t.
She didn’t need this place or these people. Nothing about being back here was going to make her feel uncertain about who she was and what she did. “No way.”
She dried her hair, took forever with the worn-out dryer provided by the motel. She wiggled into her panties, said to hell with the bra, then pulled on her jeans, blouse, and sweatshirt. Who needed a bra under all this? She’d never been blessed with big tits. Unlike Deputy Sullenger. The woman’s cup size was likely the only reason she’d gotten the job.
There you go again ... what’s up with the jealousy thing?
Socks, sneakers. Adeline was good to go.
5:12 a.m.
Damn. Still too early to accomplish anything useful.