I just know I have to have this meltdown somewhere private.
I head for his bedroom, but when I shove open the door, it’s not his orderly little full-size bed and the old band posters he used to have arranged at regular intervals on his wall.
Instead, there are gorgeous Ansel Adams black-and-white photographs mounted in sophisticated black frames on the walls, and the bedroom has clearly been transformed into a little office.
“Here.” He ushers me inside and shuts the door behind us as I pace manically back and forth on the familiar wood floor that is the only familiar thing about the room.
“Harper? What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong?What’s wrong?!
My fingers press my temples.
Oh, just the little fact that I’d never seen a picture of you as a child before, and now that I have, I’ve just realized you might as well be my son's identical twin.
THAT’S what’s wrong.
Which means, which means…!
Which means Z isn’t his father.
Caleb is.
Even thinking it takes my breath away. But I don’t dare say that out loud yet.
If I say it out loud, that makes it true.
Itistrue, you fucking idiot.
Because I am, aren’t I?
My eyes shoot to Caleb. Holy shit.
“Harper?” he asks. And it’s only now that I fully allow myself to take him in—just how fucking gorgeous he is as a grown man. “What? What is it?”
My hands crave to touch him. He’s all I’ve wanted but never let myself have because I was trying to be noble and good, and because?—
I pace away from Caleb again.
Because I’m the world’s biggest idiot and the most naïve, trusting fool.
I thought I was such a hard-ass who trusted no one—I just had one gigantic blind spot. Zedekiah Dawson.
There were so many things I never questioned because I trusted Z. Oh my God, Itrustedhim! About everything.
Suddenly, that awful night flashes through my mind. The night I got so drunk and woke up undressed the next morning. The night that changed everything.
It always felt wrong to me. I never thought I would ever betray Caleb like that.
But now that I know what a lying, manipulativefuckZedekiah actually is, I mean—I drag my hands down my face. Oh my fucking God.
Did…we even? Z and me? Or did he?—
My hand covers my mouth.
Oh, fuck, I’m gonna be sick.
Did he ra?—