“I asked him to,” Caleb says. “I needed to know if Silas is doing okay. And Silas wrote me a long time ago and told me he didn’t want me visiting him in jail.”
I cross my arms. It’s an old defense mechanism. Armor I never lost.
Why did Dad let me visit, but not Caleb? Was he afraid we’d cross paths? Was he trying to protect Caleb from me after I left him and broke his heart?
I don’t know these people, and suddenly they know a lot more aboutmybusiness than I’m comfortable with most people knowing.
“So you knew Caleb as a teenager?” Moira pipes up. “Was he a little shit?”
I shake my head, trying to accept the levity she’s clearly trying to inject. But my arms don’t uncross.
“Helen kept him in line.”
“Come,” the priest in plainclothes says warmly. “Get to know everyone. We were all very moved by the words you shared about Helen earlier. I know everyone would love to get to know you.” His eyes dart up to Caleb.
Oh, shit. I really should have cut and run when I had the chance. What the hell am I doing here?
I don’tdouncomfortable social situations. I stick to my tiny group of friends—and they’re mainly Ximena’s friends and family.
But Caleb stays by my side as I’m drawn further into his world.
It’s clear the drinks have started flowing and everyone’s leaning into the party portion of the celebration of Helen’s life, because the stories being shared about her are getting rowdier now—from her and Silas’s friends at the Dungeon.
“But my favorite memory?” says Jinx, a tall black woman in full leather, casually holding the leash of her sub, Gemini, who’s followed at exactly two paces behind her wherever she’s gone all night. “Helen insisting she could hold a suspension twice as long as usual because she was ‘feeling herself’ that night.”
“Oh no,” someone groans.
“Am I going to have to exit this conversation,” Caleb butts in, smile wide, “or cover my sister’s ears?”
He starts putting his hands over my ears, and I laugh as I shove him back.
Hearingsisterout of his mouth after all this time gives me chills, even as this all feels so natural.
Emotions and feelings are stacked too many on top of one another when it comes to this man. And they always were, because he always did make me feel safe in the way of family.
But of course, the things we did with one another always made thestepbrother and stepsisterlabel go out the window.
“Five minutes in, she gets a charley horse so bad she’s cussing like a sailor, dangling there trying to keep her Subbie face intact,” Jinx continues, everyone around us rapt. “And Silas—cool, unflappable Silas—suddenly can’t get a single damned knot undone. The more he tries to stay calm, the clumsier his fingers get. I’m standing there pretending this is all part of the scene while Helen’s hissing, ‘If I fall and crack my head open, I’m haunting you.’ We finally get her down, and she just collapses into giggles on the mat, rubbing her calf and saying, ‘See? Even Goddesses cramp.’”
Laughter ripples through the group. And I feel it hit me—sharp and sudden. The version of Caleb’s family I got to share for barely a year, that changed everything for me.
And this version ofCaleb’sfamilynow.
I got the suburban version, I realize now, all cleaned up on the surface. I remember being so confused about why a woman like Helen would have ever chosen an ex-con like my dad. But I’m starting to get it as I see this messy, loud,aliveversion of all their friends.
“Am I going to have to start censoring stories?” Caleb cuts in mildly.
My stomach flips as I give him a friendly shove on the shoulder. “Don’t you dare.”
God. Why does this still feel so easy? Sous? That’s the problem. That’s always been the problem. There were too many layers with so many meanings and not enough clear boundaries. In spite of all of Caleb’s rules.
I drift half a step away when the priest and Caleb get to chatting—just enough to breathe.
But naturally, then Moira appears at my side like she’s been waiting for her moment to pounce.
“You know,” she says, bumping her shoulder into mine, voice pitched just low enough to feel conspiratorial, “stepbrother/stepsister is one of the most searched terms on Pornhub.”
I choke on the drink handed to me by the redhead I met before the memorial.