The path is clear now.
Z and me and this baby.
So why does it feel like I just attended a funeral for the life I’ll never get to live?
“Come here.” Z pulls back, eyes shining. “Let’s go home. Fuck this shift—I’ll tell Dani you’re not feeling good. We should celebrate. Process this together.”
“Z—”
“Please?” His hand finds my stomach—still flat, still showing no evidence of the life taking shape inside. “I just want to be with you right now. Just us.”
I nod because I still don’t trust my voice.
Our room is stiflingwhen we get back—the AC in this section of the trailer can’t always combat the worst of Texas’s July heat. Z turns on the window unit, but it always takes a while to start cooling the room.
“Sit,” he says gently, guiding me to the bed. “I’m gonna get you water. Have you eaten today?”
I shake my head.
Food sounds impossible.
He disappears, and I’m alone with the realization still sinking in, settling into my bones like concrete.
It’s Z’s baby.
Not Caleb’s.
Z returns with water and some crackers from our pathetic pantry stash. He sits beside me, watching me with those dark eyes that have known me since we were twelve years old.
“Talk to me,” he says softly. “What are you thinking?”
What am I thinking?
I’m thinking that I can still feel the ghost of Caleb’s hands on my skin. I’m thinking that three and a half months ago I was in his bed, in his arms, and he was whisperingI love youinto my hair. I’m thinking that I never said it back and now I never will.
I’m thinking that I’m about to become my mother—knocked up and trapped and trying to make the best of it with a man I care about but am not in love with. Not the way I love Caleb.
Love.Present tense. Fuck.
“I’m thinking,” I say slowly, carefully, “that I need to stop being such a piece of shit to you.”
Z’s brow furrows. “What?”
“You’ve been nothing but good to me.” The words feel rehearsed, even though they’re not.
I just need to say the obvious thing out loud, otherwise it feels like there’s an elephant in the room between us, when we’ve always talked about everything. “Since the day we left Dallas, you’ve been patient and supportive, and you’ve never once made me feel bad for being so… distant. For not being able to give you what you want.”
“Harper—”
“No, let me finish.”
I set the water down and force myself to meet his stare. “This is your baby.Ourbaby. And I’m done with the bullshit. I’m done holding back and comparing you to?—”
I can’t say his name.Can’t. “I’m done living in the past.”
“You don’t have to?—”
“Yes, I do.” My hands find his. “You’ve waited for me your whole life, Z. And I’m finally—” I breathe out hard. “I’m ready. To be all in. Heart, mind…”