He lays me gently on the soft sheets, sliding in beside me and pulling the covers over both of us.
I nestle into him instinctively, my body molding to his, and we fall asleep together, limbs tangled in peaceful surrender.
ANONYMOUS:
You always thought it would end when I was gone.
That’s the part you never understood.
I don’t stop existing just because you can’t see me.
You carry me.
In the way you flinch.
The way you hesitate.
The way your body reacts before you can stop it.
I’m in all of it.
So even now?—
even like this?—
you’re still mine.
CHAPTER 45
IVY
For the first few seconds, as I wake, I don’t notice it. I stretch deeply, languid, extending my arms above my head and my feet as far as they’ll go in the opposite direction.
I let out a solid yawn as I stretch, reveling in the coziness of Soren’s luxurious linens. I smile to myself about the day ahead, looking forward to whatever it brings.
Then I feel it.
The deep, dull ache forming low in my abdomen.
The familiar feeling jolts me fully awake, any semblance of a slow morning quickly gone as I realize what’s happening.
Fuck.
Careful, I extract myself from the covers.
Soren’s breathing continues, slow and controlled, in his sleep.
I pad to the bathroom, pour myself a glass of water and pop a couple of ibuprofen, and then return to bed. Hopefully I can get ahead of it this time.
I should have kept better track, anticipated it, been more proactive and started twenty-four hours ago. But every month itseems to take me by surprise. I always feel foolish, as if I haven’t had decades to learn from my mistakes and get this better under control.
Forcing my eyes closed, I get into the fetal position and attempt to will myself back into slumber. I’m tired, but it’s hard to sleep with this growing discomfort and what I know will soon follow.
I manage to drift off again, but my nap is short-lived. I wake to a jabbing sensation low on the right side of my abdomen. The pain comes on quickly, then, the dull ache quickly morphing into something much sharper and more uncomfortable.
Within the hour, it feels like a thousand tiny little soldiers are stabbing at my cervix with razor-sharp knives.
And it’s not just my lower abdomen and all the women parts housed in that area.