Maybe I will.
I hit send. And immediately feel it. Something sharp. Like something just shifted.
Like something just locked into place.
Like a door I didn’t mean to open has quietly shut behind me.
And for the first time since I left the man who almost destroyed me, I have the distinct feeling that I’m not the one deciding what happens next.
Anonymous:
Is it really over?
You always used to leave the window cracked at night.
Even in winter.
Said you liked the cold air on your face when you were trying to sleep. Said it helped you breathe.
I wonder if you still do.
I wonder if you still wake up the same way?—
sharp inhale, like you forgot how for a second.
I used to watch you do that.
You never noticed.
You weren’t very good at noticing things.
You’re still not.
CHAPTER 5
IVY
Istare at my phone for a moment after I send it.
Maybe I will.
Three words. Casual. Easy.
But my heart is pounding like I just signed something in blood.
I toss the phone onto the bed and stand there in my towel, wet hair dripping onto my shoulders, feeling stupidly exposed.
The Miami humidity is getting to me, making me feel like I need to shower multiple times a day. Or maybe I’m just trying to scrub the trauma off me. To replace all the cellshetouched, that are warped because of the thingshedid to me.
It’s ridiculous how small things can make my whole body react now. Like my nervous system recognizes escape before my brain does.
I get dressed quickly, pulling on my usual uniform. My armor.
I twist my damp hair into a messy topknot and force myself to look in the mirror. My face looks… wrong.
Not ugly. Not even tired. It’s more like I’ve been dimmed. Asif someone applied a filter to my soul and turned the saturation down.
I blink at myself, searching for the woman I used to be—the woman who would walk into a room and own it. Laugh loudly. Feel comfortable in her body. Take up space without apologizing too much.