Page 80 of Beautiful Terror

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But now? Now I get called a cunt. Now I get his projection, his cruelty, his anger.

I grab my phone and message Alice, my constant lifeline.

Alice:

I’m fucking proud of you for submitting your book. That’s a big one!

Also, I’m not a fan of this trickle truthing he’s doing here.

What is he hiding?!

Me:

Thank you. It’s not my best or my worst. But in the circumstances, it’s the best I could do.

Trickle truthing. I laugh and cry at the realness. I feel this so hard.

Alice:

I can’t take credit. That’s a real term!

I’m also mad at him for telling weird lies.

Just. Be. Honest.

“Yeah, Karen and I went smoking and chatting.”

The issue isn’t the cigarettes or the company. It’s the lie.

I sigh, grateful for Alice’s grounding presence but deeply unsettled by Timmy’s constant need to deceive, even over the smallest things.

A FEW DAYS LATER

The pattern continues, escalating as it always does. The latest offense?

I refuse to buy Timmy a cigarette.

Me:

Fed up, I text him.

Me:

Goodbye. I deserve a guy one million times better than you.

Timmy:

I’ll just die, hopefully.

Me:

You’re gross. Going out in the middle of the night begging for cigarettes is pretty fucking gross, and you know I’m not okay with it. So we’re done.

Timmy:

I’ll make my preparations.

Seconds later, my phone buzzes again, this time with a GIF of Pete Davidson as Chad onSNL, saying, “Okay.”