I’m sorry.
I've been feeling like that for a while. It's so frustrating.
Me:
Miserable. Sorry you’re feeling that way too.
I’m trying to explain to Timmy that it isn’t anything he did yesterday, per se, but words aren’t coming out of my mouth.
Which is unusual for me. I’m usually okay with words.
Alice:
Same, but sometimes when you're in a funk, it doesn't happen.
"I'm having a rough day. It has nothing to do with anyone or anything. I'm just sad today."
Me:
That’s a good one. Thank you.
Alice:
Yeah I use that a lot, haha.
Encouraged, I try Alice’s suggestion.
It seems to work, at least for a moment.
Timmy softens, his tone shifting. “I love you so much. I just want to be around you,” he whispers, gently stroking my hair. “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Why don’t you put on one of your shows, and I’ll watch it with you?”
For a brief, shining moment, I think maybe we’ve turned a corner and the rest of the day might go smoothly. Taking Timmy’s suggestion at face value, I turn on90 Day Fiancé, grateful for the comfort of its absurd drama.
Timmy settles next to me, seemingly content.
Spending the day together snuggled up on the bed, watching shows that bring me relief and relaxation, sounds quite nice.
But exactly six minutes and fifty-six seconds into the episode, it’s like a switch flips.
“Nope! Nope, I can’t do this! I can’t watch this stupid show!”he yells, jumping up from the couch like it’s on fire.“I don’t care about this person on the TV!”
Before I can respond, he storms out the door, slamming it so hard the walls shudder.
It’s not even a particularly dramatic episode, but Timmy has decided once again that the show affects his emotions. He watches so much worse—constantly selecting movies with high conflict and drama—and is fine with it.
But because it’s something I like to watch, it’s therefore something he can try to ruin.
So he does.
I settle into the relative peace that always follows one of Timmy’s tantrums.
For all his bluster, his cooldowns usually involve sulking in a corner or at the beach, away from me.
I text Alice to fill her in.
Me:
Well… I tried that.