His parents are going to be devastated.
I go to the back room and call through the door. “Timmy, come on. You’re being ridiculous, and your parents are going to be so upset. You’ve already ruined the trip—which I’ve paid for—and now you’re acting crazy. Your mom is so excited to see you. I’m excited to meet your family. Will you please just calm down and come with me to Montana?”
After a moment, his muffled voice replies, “Okay, yes, I’ll come. I need to get my water bottle first, though. I can’t believe you turned my favorite person in the world against me.”
I update Alice:
Alice:
It definitely wasn’t his actions.
Me:
Damn, I must wield some mad power to do that. Oooooor his dad can just see he’s being a drunk dick.
But I’ll go with almighty power wielder.
Bc that sounds fancy.
Alice:
You're obviously a power-wielding Jezebel.
Me:
JEZEBEL!
With BOY JOYS!
Timmy appears in the living room holding the bottle of vodka that he’d taken earlier.
Me:
He ran off with my vodka but just randomly brought it back.
Maybe he peed in it.
I don’t know.
Alice:
No, I'm thinking he dumped it into his water bottle.
That's where I'd put my bet if I had a chip.
Me:
Lmfao hard.
One dickhead successfully acquired.
Now to the airport. We should get there just on time.
Omg, I am totally in my derby girl live free skate hard or whatever tank. This is not what I expected to be wearing to meet my in-laws, but here we are.
Today clearly took a swerve.
Alice: