Dex positioned himself as my protector, my anchor. And all the while, he was watching, prying, spying.
I feel like I’ve been stripped bare, my innermost thoughts laid out so vulnerably, never meant to be seen by another set of eyes.
Timmy violated me in so many ways.
And in an apparent effort to help me out of a terrible situation, Dex went and violated me, too!
Did he see the therapy notes where I admitted how broken I felt?
Did he read the journal entries where I wrote about him, the flickers of hope I had for someone like him?
A fresh wave of humiliation crashes over me.
God, how pathetic. How utterly stupid I’ve been.
Timmy destroyed my trust, and now Dex has shattered whatever fragile remnants were left.
I wipe my face, but the tears keep coming. This is my life now—an endless cycle of betrayal and heartbreak. Maybe this is all there is.
“Never again,” I whisper to myself, my voice shaking. “Never again will I let anyone in.”
I get back to the apartment and my phone rings. I know without looking that it’s Dex.
“What?” I say as I answer, my voice flat.
“Margaux, please let me explain,” he begs, his voice cracking. “I was trying to keep you as safe as possible. I was scared for you.”
“You still looked at my innermost feelings!” I scream. “You’ve been manipulating me the whole time. You’re no better than Timmy!”
There’s silence on the other end. That was a pretty big insult.
But I feel crushed. I finally thought I found someone who I think I can trust, and he turns out to be a big fake liar, just like Timmy.
Jesus Christ.
I sigh.“I thought for once I met someone who wasn’t trying to play me.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” he replies. “I never meant for you to find out”
“So you wanted to keep it a secret forever that you’ve been doing this?” My voice cracks at the end.
“No, no. I mean… I never wanted to use it for nefarious purposes. I just checked in on you the first time out of genuine concern, and then I had to keep looking. I became a little obsessed, I guess. I hated seeing you like that. I wanted to protect you. But way before that… I’ve always wanted to protect you—you must know that.”
“Oh, give me a fucking break!” My voice cracks again. “I feel so fucking betrayed—byyou, of all people. You were meant to be a safe person for me. But there’s nobody safe. Nobody who wants to be in a relationship with me, anyway.”
I’m bawling now, sobs wracking through the phone.
“You can trust me,” Dex says, his voice low. “I haven’t used those things against you. I never would.”
“Well, you still looked at it,” I say, my sobs slowing as my anger intensifies. “How is this any different from Timmy eavesdropping on my therapy? Leave me alone. You’re a fucking hypocrite. Just like Timmy.”
I hang up.
He calls back, and I send him to voicemail, fresh tears cascading from my eyes.
I feel like an idiot, once again. I’m so sick of being treated this way.
Like a fucking joke. Like someone that gets played like a fiddle.