I’m so much stronger now. That’s the mantra I tell myself as I pack my belongings.
I’ve learned to value myself, to set boundaries about how I expect to be treated. There’s still plenty of self-work to do, and it’s a hard-earned realization, but it’s here—and I’m clinging to it like a life raft.
Soon, I’ll be out of this apartment—out of the suffocating space where the beep of the door and the swoosh of it opening became the soundtrack of my nightmares.
It’s sad it took this long to get to this point, but I’m here.
I walk out to the dumpster, my arms full of things that hold memories I no longer want. With every cathartic clang as they hit the metal, I feel a little lighter.
Dr. Ramani’s podcast plays in my ears, drowning out my negative thoughts, her voice a steady reminder of what I’ve endured and why I’ll never go back.
On my way back to the apartment, something magical happens. A swarm of dragonflies surrounds me, darting and swirling like they’re performing just for me. Normally, the sudden flurry of movement would startle me, but today?
Today, I laugh.
It’s like the universe is giving me a sign.
I’m free.
Packing my life into four suitcases and a cat carrier feels strangely liberating. I can go anywhere I want now.
The weight of Timmy’s chaos is no longer dragging me down.
I’m relieved, in ways I hadn’t even realized were possible. No more beeps, no more swooshing doors, no more smashed glass or angry accusations.
The thought makes me smile.
I won’t be on his home turf anymore.
I won’t be living right next to people doing meth who he’s talked badly about me to.
He won’t be able to pop up in the window.
Life is back on my terms.
I’m living for me, not somebody that doesn’t deserve my time.
It feels like a parasite has been removed. Extracted.
I’m surrounded by strangers and yet I already feel much safer than I did in my own home.
I have a life that many others would envy now.
I can go where I want, whenever I want. As long as my sweet cat is taken care of, of course.
The cat I didn’t let him throw in the ocean.
The cat who he tried to take on a 2AM walk over to his meth head friends.
Sabre watches me from the bed, his green eyes wide and curious. I crouch down to scratch behind his ears. “We’re almost out of here, buddy. Just a little longer, and we’ll be free.”
I feel a twinge of guilt looking at him. Sabre didn’t ask for any of this. He didn’t deserve the danger I put him in by staying with Timmy as long as I did. If something had happened… The thought makes my stomach churn, but I push it aside.
I can’t change the past. I can only move forward.
And if I do ever end up in another relationship, one thing is for sure—I need to be with someone who needs absolutely nothing from me.
As if on cue, my phone buzzes. The screen lights up with a name I haven’t seen in a while. My heart skips.Dex.