TWO DAYS LATER
He paces around the apartment like a caged animal. “I’m angry because of resentment,” he says finally. “Not at you or myself. It’s really not you. But I would just be happy if I had a Black and Mild.” He looks at me, his gaze laden with expectation. “If you just let me go get a Black and Mild, I’d love you so much and everything would be great.”
I sigh, the weight of his constant and trivial demands pressing down on me. He always fucking wants something. “Your mood really shouldn’t be so driven by whether I use my life savings to buy you a cigarette that you don’t need. I can’t afford to waste my money on things like cigarettes. It’s not right to expect me to.”
“Well, I want one,” he replies, shrugging.
He’s pissing me off and I poke him back. “Who did you smoke with the other day?”
Guilt flickers across his face. “Some lady who was like seventy years old.”
It doesn’t matter. Their age is not the point. Doesn’t he get it? Or does he get it, and that’s why he does it? “See? I have a problem with that. I don’t care how old someone is. You’re standing outside at night chatting away with people while I’m sitting here wondering if you’re safe in this neighborhood. It’s weird and inappropriate.”
“Okay, I promise I won’t do that ever again.” His face is solemn, and his tone is convincing, but he’s giving me snake vibes. He’s showing his charm, and now I’m just waiting for the strike.
I’ve learned by now that Timmy’s promises mean nothing. They’re just words, empty and hollow, like the man who speaks them.
Timmy’s presence is a storm I can’t escape. Every moment with him feels like another step deeper into a labyrinth of manipulation and despair.
And yet, despite everything, I stay.
Maybe out of hope.
Maybe out of fear.
Or maybe because I’ve started to believe the lies he tells about me.
Lies that feel like truth when whispered in the dark.
CHAPTER 15
THE PRICE OF LOVE
MARGAUX
LATER IN THE MONTH
Since living in the US, I’ve been part of a community of expats from New Zealand who get together throughout the year for a variety of social events. It’s a fun group, and it’s always fun to reminisce about the home country and hear some other Kiwi accents.
So when an event is announced in Timmy’s home state of Montana, where his parents still live, I suggest we make the trip and kill two birds with one stone.
Timmy is thrilled. “I can’t wait for you to meet my parents,” he gushes. “They’re going to love you in person as much as they do over the phone.”
I use my air points to get us both tickets, and find a bougie cat hotel where Sabre will be taken care of while we’re away.
Timmy doesn’t say thank you, just expects me to fork out for everything like usual.
“You’re going to get to meet my sister-in-law, Emma,” he says. “You two are going to get along really, really well. She wrote a romance book, too!”
I smile, excited.
The days leading up to the trip to Montana are filled with a mix of anticipation and dread.
I’m clinging to the hope that this visit will provide a sense of stability and connection, something that’s been sorely lacking in my life with Timmy.
His erratic moods and increasingly cruel behavior have left me feeling untethered, but maybe being around his family will ground him—or at least give me some insight into why he is the way he is.
A few days before we fly out, I message my friend, Becky, who is organizing the events in Montana, and let her know how excited I am to be seeing her.