I nod slowly, his words sinking in.
And then I’m in jail.
I still can’t believe it. That he told the cops I attacked him. That he said I pulled his hair. That I’m here.
Because it’s a domestic issue, and because we’ve both been drinking, the cops have decided to lockmeup. Which is insane.
I’ve never had a criminal record. My only blemish is a speeding ticket from twenty-five years ago. And I don’t go around attacking giant men.
First, I’m taken to a small local jail. The officer gives me a chance to make a phone call. I dial Timmy’s dad and provide an update based on the information shared with me by the officer.
“I need someone to bail me out,” I explain. “But the charge is so small—a petty misdemeanor—that bail is only $1,000. The bail bonds people won’t be interested in helping me for that little of an amount.”
“Well, how can I bail you out?” Phil asks.
“Someone has to come here in person,” I reply.
“But…” Phil sputters, “I’m in Montana.”
“I know,” I say, my voice glum.
Then I’m taken to processing, still in my sports bra, short shorts, and no shoes.
Because my shorts have a drawstring that can’t be removed, they swap me into paper shorts. And because I’m only in a sports bra, I also get a matching paper top.
Super sexy.
I’m led into a small room as another officer with a mustache passes by and heads into the watch house. Seeing me out of the corner of his eye, he reverses and looks me up and down. “Ohhhhello…” he says, leering.
I roll my eyes at the officer escorting me. “Well, your colleague is highly unprofessional,” I say. “And can you please tell him that Movember has been and gone?”
The officer snickers but doesn’t comment.
“Will I be in a cell with other people?” I ask.
“No, you’ll be by yourself,” he replies.
After waiting alone for a while, I’m escorted into a cold concrete hallway that echoes with the sound of the officer’s shoes as he leads me to the cells. There doesn’t seem to be anyone else locked up here. He gives me my choice of cells as well as a blanket. Very respectful. Great hospitality.Five star Yelp review.
I enter the cell, and the door clangs shut behind me.
I need to switch my brain off. My arrest. The news that Timmy fractured my skull.
It’s all too much.
Oddly, I feel cozy—or maybe my brain really is just shutting down—and I drift off to sleep.
A while later, I’m woken up. “Benson,” an officer says, “We’re moving you to Downtown Sunset Cay. Get up.”
Groggy, and unaware this would be happening, I comply.
They lead me to a waiting police cruiser, and I’m taken to the main downtown jail facility near the courthouse.
Here, there’s a huge vibe shift.
Gone are the people who seemed a little more chill.
The atmosphere is cold, militant, no-nonsense. Male and female prisoners are segregated but near each other, and there’s a lot of shrieking and hollering.