Which must aggravate Timmy, because he lunges for my phone, yanking it from my hands and scrolling through my messages.
“What are you looking for?” I ask, exasperated. “I’m not talking to any guys behind your back, and I’m only describing your behavior to my friends. What you’re doing is invasive and gross.”
He doesn’t respond, but his face darkens as his eyes skim the messages between Alice and me.
Finally, I manage to grab my phone back.
Alice:
There is no positive outcome to your relationship with him.
He will give you nothing, enrich no part of you, honor none of the things you ask, and will offer you no genuine respect.
A tear rolls down my cheek. Her words hit like a gut punch because they’re true.
I know she’s right.
But I just can’t break away.
Not yet.
Me:
I love him.
Alice:
It may be romantic, but love is NOT all you need.
Love is a good building material. You don’t only need bricks to build a house.
Me:
I wish he did. That’s my problem. I’m deluded.
Alice:
You are. Because love is a powerful drug. It's what compels parents to lift cars off their children.
It's what blinds people to flaws.
It is a substance that blinds you as much as you want to be blinded.
If you are willing to see nothing, love will show you nothing.
It's how parents defend children who are bullies.
How partners stay with abusive people, or people who commit crimes.
The tears come harder now, flowing freely.
And her words are exactly what I need to hear.
Me:
Crying.
Alice: