90
THE ONES WHO GAS YOU UP
The Next Day
He pulls me close, his arm firm around my waist, and with his free hand, he gently tilts my chin until our eyes meet. There’s a softness in his gaze I haven’t seen in a while, as if he’s stripped of his usual bravado and standing before me, vulnerable and bare. His voice lowers, sincere and warm.
“Baby, I know you’re such a good person,” he says softly, out of the blue. “An amazing person. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re funny, smart, so beautiful, and insanely talented. You’re an incredible writer.”
The words, spoken so smoothly, hit me right in the chest. His compliments feel like raindrops on dry soil, sinking deep into places where I’ve felt starved for validation. And his eyes—those deep blue eyes—reflect nothing but tenderness.
He draws a deep breath, as if gathering his thoughts, and continues, “I know I’ve done some shitty things, been caught up in stuff I shouldn’t have. Made stupid choices.” There’s a heaviness to his words, but also hope, as though admitting this is a step toward becoming the person he wants to be. “But I know I have so much potential. I really believe that. And I want to live up to it. You knowmy plans, my designs—I want to bring them to life. I really believe I can do it—with you by my side, supporting me. And I want to be there for you, supporting your dreams, too.”
“But... it feels like you’re pulling away from what’s important to me.” My own voice falters for a moment, and it’s hard for me to say. “And it’s for reasons that don’t really matter, things that don’t need to get in the way.”
His eyes shimmer as they search mine, brimming with unshed tears.
I continue. “It’s starting to feel like... like you haven’t really changed at all.”
A tear slips down his cheek, and before I can respond, he pulls me into a tighter embrace, burying his face in the crook of my neck. His voice becomes thicker with emotion.
“I just... I want you to help pull me up. I never want to drag you down. I know you’re better than me, and I want to be better, too. For us. I need your support. With your love, I know I can do this. I love you so much, Margaux. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”
The rawness in his words hits me harder than I expect. I think back to the moments when his excitement about his designs was infectious, how he’d light up talking about the future he wanted to build. Maybe this conversation, difficult as it is, is his way of acknowledging where he’s fallen short—and that he knows what needs to change. I start to wonder if he really could shift gears.
Because the truth is, part of me still believes in him. The part of me that fell in love with his passion, his charm, the way he made me feel like we were on the cusp of something incredible. He’s right—he can achieve what he wants, if he just puts in the effort. And I’ve always wanted to help him get there. Maybe that’s why I’ve stuck around through all the chaos, why I’ve clung to the good moments, believing they outweigh the bad.
“You really mean all of this?” I whisper, my voice barely audible. I want to believe him so badly.
His hand shifts to cup my cheek, his thumb gently stroking my skin. “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. Thisrelationship... it means everything to me. You’re my whole world. And I swear, I’ll stop doing stupid shit to mess it up. I won’t hurt you again. I promise.”
For a moment, I search his eyes, looking for even the smallest flicker of insincerity. But all I see is a hesitant, hopeful smile—the kind that makes me think that, for all his flaws, he truly wants to do better, to be better. His arms around me feel solid, like a lifeline pulling me from the undertow of doubt. There’s a safety in this embrace, even if it’s fragile.
“Okay, baby,” I say softly, my hand resting against his chest. “Let’s do this. But please... please follow through on what you’re saying. If you don’t, it’ll break my heart.”
He presses his forehead against mine, his breath warm and steady. “You have my word. I’ll show you how serious I am. No more excuses.”
91
TWO-SIDED LOVE TRIANGLE
Afew days later, Timmy insists on getting into his old Apple ID so he can ‘download important media.’ He’s fixated—it’s all he can talk about—and it makes me feel sick. The whole purpose of getting rid of that ID was so people couldn’t contact him, including the annoying girl he slept with right before we met. It was his idea in the first place, and it was kind of extreme, but I appreciated the gesture. And now it’s like he’s trying to undo it. What’s so important for him to access in there?
After a rigmarole that consumes our lives for the next week or so, because he manages to lock himself out and neither his cell phone provider nor Apple are able to help him for a while, he finally gets access to his old ID.
There’s immediately a ding, and waiting for him is a text from Desperate Girl, announcing it was her birthday the day before, saying how much she wants to meet me and how happy she is for him that he’s found his soulmate. This is followed up by a picture of the two of them together. Another where she has her arm around Timmy and they’re both smiling.
What gives with this girl?
Timmy told her not to contact him anymore. That he was gettinghis number changed, and to please respect that. And, less than a month after that conversation, she’s sending attention-seeking texts to a ‘friend’ she knows is engaged. Why would you send a picture of yourself and a guy to that guy when he has a new girlfriend. I can’t trust her as far as I can throw her.
Timmy tries to justify it at first. “Oh, she must have been lonely and just reaching out to friends.”
But I remind him of the boundary he set, asking her not to contact us, and how she had violated his wishes. That, coupled with her reaching out to people onherbirthday. Who does that?
He seems to take this at face value. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess that is kind of quite a weird thing to do. Well, I’ll just ignore it. Here you go, see? Deleted. Are you happy now?” He deletes the messages right in front of me.
“As soon as you snap that SIM card,” I say.